THE four Russians expelled from Ireland have rubbed their fellow diplomats’ faces in it with shots of them supping pints in the airport before taking off for home, as is customary among the international community. “Sure has to be done,” joked one of the four, under an Instagram picture of a 9 euro pint of… Read more »
VLADIMIR PUTIN has confirmed the clear evidence Russian troops have surrendered territory around Kyiv and lost Irpin as they flee back towards the Belarusian border is not a pathetic and embarrassing retreat which makes him look like clueless and inept but rather a ‘special military fallback’. “Just like our ‘special military operation’ is not an… Read more »
FURTHER explaining the reasoning behind the decision to expel four Russian embassy officials, Minister for Defence Simon Coveney said that the good for nothing scoundrels had been caught scaling the wall of a Jacobs production facility in the search for answers to how the biscuit maker gets the figs into fig rolls. “Running an extensive… Read more »
THE VICTIM of an apparent poisoning as he attended a meeting aimed at ending the Russian war in Ukraine, Roman Abramovich has said it wasn’t all that bad and that you get used to the life endangering effects, WWN can confirm. “It’s basically a mild case of the Guinness shits, after the 5th or 6th… Read more »
REPORTS from Kremlin insiders have shown that Russian dictator Vladimir Putin’s paranoia has reached ‘ah here’ levels, prompting many aides to put in for holidays over the next few weeks just to get out of the place. “I’m fucked if I’m hanging round here to be carted off to the Gulag under suspicion of being… Read more »
AS PART of the ‘WWN Voices’ series we offer a platform to people we really shouldn’t. Today is the turn of Fergal Defflin, who can’t believe your hysteria over Putin’s war in Ukraine when other countries do other bad things too. “It’s okay to feel a little stupid, to feel like an imbecile of gargantuan… Read more »
MIRRORING the fate of his former dictator peers, renewed calls have been made from the world to just skip to the part when a scruffy, gaunt faced Vladimir Putin is dragged from a Russian hiding hole and dealt with in the usual fashion, WWN can confirm. “It’s probably best avoid all the in-between death and… Read more »
IN RESPONSE to Boris Johnson controversially comparing Ukrainians fighting back against the Russia invasion of their country to Britain voting to leave the EU, people with working brains and rudimentary understanding of the world have been quick to help the British PM understand that the comparison doesn’t quite fit. “Brexit would be more like if… Read more »
CHINA is being asked to take bolstering a madman with ‘one true race’ ideation off the menu and refrain from doing ‘a complete Mussolini’, WWN has confirmed. “That guy next door may seem fun and cute and that you have lots in common, but it’ll all end in tears,” leading historians and overbearing mothers insisted,… Read more »
FRESH from continuing to donate Russian military tanks and trucks to Ukrainian farmers, Vladimir Putin has sought the help of Siri in an attempt to bail himself out of his scattershot invasion which has seen little ground gained. “Hey Siri, what’s Chinese for ‘I’ve fucked up, tanked my economy and it’s only a matter of… Read more »