Face Mask Requirements Lifted Ahead Of New Gas Mask Requirements


AS IRELAND embraced the lifting of mask requirements today while largely ignoring pleas from immunocompromised people to keep wearing them, foreign policy experts have advised the public to ‘make the most of it’.

“We hate to be killjoys, but there has been talk of a gas mask requirement which is really completely out of our hands,” a spokesperson for NPHET (Nuclear PHallout Emergency Team).

Many have welcomed the lifting of mask requirements as well as other restrictions as it represents a return to normality that will last all of two days if recent escalations by Vladimir Putin are anything to go by.

“Now some of you will want to wear gas masks just to disguise your identity if you’ve been crying like a baby about how face masks were the ultimately crime against your personal freedoms for the last 2 years, but you may also need it if Mad Vlad keeps his nuclear lads on high alert,” added NPHET.

The Irish public is already reacting to the news with some attempting to bulk purchase gas masks as Dealz and other discount outlets.

“D’ya know anyone doing cheap gas masks? A five pack, that sort of thing, I was hoping to put the money I’d save on not buying face masks anymore on a holiday or something,” explained one man, hoping Lidl middle aisle deal this week included a flat pack bomb shelter.

Elsewhere, an emergency assembly of the 193 countries at the United Nations has seen a resolution against Putin’s regime passed, with nearly all 193 nations stating “could you just like, fucking not please?”