Yuri Filatov Overwhelmed By Offers Of Free Lifts To Dublin Airport

AFTER his star turn in an interview with RTÉ’s David McCullagh, Yuri Filatov has been on the receiving end of Ireland’s notorious friendliness, hospitality and generosity.

“I’m heading out that way meself anyway so I’ll drive you, no I insist you monumental prick,” one person outside the Russian embassy offered, bringing a tear to the eye such was the selflessness on display.

“Fuck the Port Tunnel fees Yuri, I’ll do it for you. Speeding fines mean nothing to me either if I can say I got you to the airport quickly,” added a learner driver whose 1.1 litre engine was going to be tested to its limits.

Regardless of current work commitments, school drops or social occasions, Irish people have said they’d be willing to cancel all that at the drop of a hat just to make sure Filatov got to the airport and they could watch him enter the departures lounge.

“Stop fussing Yuri it’s grand, I said I’d drive you so I’ll drive, sure I’d do it for anyone, well anyone complicit in unjust invasion that heaps misery on innocent people,” added another person, who offered the US ambassador similar generosity during the ‘war on terror’.

Not meaning to rush Filatov, the 4km long queue of people offering him a free lift insisted there was no time to pack anything, not even the bullshit statements filled with lies he very clearly reads from when being interviewed about the war on Ukraine.

“The traffic at this hour is cat, nevermind a car – I’ve made this catapult. We’ll have you home in no time, all the watermelons during testing exploded but I’m sure you’ll be fine,” said an amateur inventor and war criminal expulsion enthusiast.

Elsewhere, a fearful Irish government has been outside the Russian embassy since 6am shouting ‘we’re only sending non-lethal support to Ukraine, so just bare that in mind if you’re escalating things’ via a megaphone.