‘Middle Finger To Putin’ EU-Wide Doorstep Salute Scheduled For 6PM
FOLLOWING the success of the ‘clap for your health service’ program during the peak of the Covid pandemic, EU nations have issued a statement urging people to take to their doorsteps at 6pm UTC tonight to issue a one-fingered salute in the direction of Moscow, to let president Vladimir Putin know what they really think of him.
Dismissed as tokenism at the time, many helpless non-healthcare professionals stated they felt like they had contributed to the fight against Covid by clapping for a minute at their front door, and are hoping to feel a similar sense of accomplishment later today.
Meanwhile, claims by health workers that the clap-salute was a way for governments to act like they’d done something useful rather than actual, real-world interventions such as increasing the health spend have been dismissed as ‘unhelpful pessimism’ at this time.
“Doctors and nurses eh? Never happy,” said one source close to the Irish department of health, which ran a very noteworthy clap campaign back when it was needed the most.
“Now they say the ‘bird-for-Vlad’ campaign will do no good – well not with that attitude it won’t. We’re confident that just as nurses who were working 20-hour days got a little boost from social media footage of you in your slippers clapping for 10 seconds before heading back in because your takeaway dinner arrived, Vladimir Putin will see the images of thousands of people calling him a shit and call his troops back. It’s foolproof, and to be honest if you’ve any better ideas now is the time to let us know”.
Leaders from around the world have vowed to tackle all issues with clap-athons from now on, providing there’s a world left after the next few weeks that is.