THERE was a new feeling of hope this week in Northern Ireland after a man sitting in his car, presumed to be Catholic, was punched in the face by a Loyalist bandsman after playing a Wolfe Tones song at a parade, WWN reports. The now historic incident which took place on Saturday on the Hope… Read more »
BRITISH Prime Minister Boris Johnson has wearily booked an EasyJet to Belfast for the weekend, in a bid to calm the DUP down and get them to stop being ‘so very tiresome’ about everything, WWN can report. DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson prompted the PM to act after threatening to collapse the NI Executive within weeks… Read more »
LOYALISTS who were led up the garden path by the DUP and the Tories over a ‘hassle free Brexit’ only to be repeatedly hit over the head with a shovel and have their wallets stolen, have announced their intention to protest this fact in Dublin of all places. The precise reason why figures within Northern… Read more »
THE DUP’s staunch, long-running ‘Ulster Says No’ stance on everything is currently undergoing a bit of a rethink, following one of the most turbulent months in the party’s storied history. “‘Ulster says yes to things but then says no when we really find out what they were’ doesn’t really have much of as ring to… Read more »
FOR the 1,200th night in succession newly installed DUP leader Edwin Poots has had a nightmare about being eaten alive by zombie Gaelic fadas, a nightmare no doubt prompted by the news Sinn Féin are petitioning Westminster to intervene in the ongoing failure by his party to enact Irish language protections. For Poots the push… Read more »
NEW DUP leader Edwin Poots has described North-South border relations as ‘never being as bad’ during a trip to the Republic this week, where he also took in some sightseeing in County Clare, where he marveled at the Cliffs Of Moher which were built on the 8th day after God had made everything else, some… Read more »
DESPITE at first appearing a near impossible task, the DUP has successfully found someone worse than Arlene Foster to take the position of leader of the party. Here’s everything you need to know about Edwin Poots: Believes the Earth is 6,000 years old, while many believe he has the brain function of someone born yesterday…. Read more »
BRITISH Prime Minister Boris Johnson, described by insiders as being ‘way too busy for this shit’, has issued an apology to the survivors of that thing in Northern Ireland and to the families of whoever it was that whatever it was happened to. “It was a terrible time in our history and we condone the… Read more »
A GROWING number of people ‘south of the border’ in Ireland have expressed their desire for ‘that whole Northern Ireland thing’ to wrap up, adding that it was high time that Northern Irish people just let bygones be bygones and moved on with life. The news comes following the release of a report that found… Read more »
AHEAD of a rumoured decision to prevent future prosecutions of British soldiers by introducing a statute of limitations, the British government is set to reclassify murders carried out by soldiers during the Troubles as ‘whoopsy daisies’. “We work shopped a few terms, but we feel this showcases our staggering indifference to the murder of people… Read more »