Freestaters Implore Nordies To Let It Go, Fuck Sake Like

A GROWING number of people ‘south of the border’ in Ireland have expressed their desire for ‘that whole Northern Ireland thing’ to wrap up, adding that it was high time that Northern Irish people just let bygones be bygones and moved on with life.

The news comes following the release of a report that found the British Army murdered 10 innocent civilians in what became known as the Ballymurphy massacre of 1971, also reported as ‘the time 10 people died due to incidents involving the British army’ by some news outlets in the last 24 hours, if reported on at all.

“Right, let that be that. Are we going to be hearing about 50-year-old atrocities for the rest of our lives? Enough is enough” stated one ‘freestater’ we spoke to, who had considered the whole ‘Northern Ireland’ thing to be done and dusted when the state was partitioned in 1921.

“Honest to God, could they not just settle down and accept things, like the rest of the country? You don’t see us giving out about ‘British soldiers this’ and ‘collusion with Loyalist paramilitaries that’. Grow up, move on” said another Republic Of Ireland citizen, who on last count had lost no family members to any sort of sectarian violence.

“Does the Good Friday Agreement mean nothing to these people? Everything was tied up with a bow 20 years ago, Bono sang a song and everything. Honestly, what more do some people want” added another man, despite not being 100% clear on what exactly the Good Friday Agreement is.

Meanwhile the discussion around the possibility of a United Ireland continues to be ‘a massive pain in the hole’ for most southerners, who remain content to leave any sort of violent flare-ups contained to the six counties of the north where ‘they’re used to that kind of thing’.