Tag: news

“But I Still Get Paid, Right?”

“So I step down from whatever it is I’m meant to be doing, but I still get paid?” Prince Andrew asked the Queen, frantically checking his bank account balance on his £12,000 gold-plated Apple watch, “like, I can still keep all this money and piss off to Thailand… Ma’am?” With the reality of his situation… Read more »

Maria Bailey Reinstated After Calling Migrants Scum

A DRAMATIC u-turn from the Fine Gael party has seen TD Maria Bailey, recently deselected from the party’s Dun Laoghaire election ticket, suddenly reinstated after making derogatory comments against migrants, travellers and whatever ethnic minority the party felt deserved it, in a bid to appease senior party officials. “I just said fuck it, I’ll go… Read more »

Mourinho Pledges Allegiance To Whatever Club This Is

JOSE Mourinho is said to be looking forward to a season and a half of lucrative employment at Tottenham Hotspur, before his inevitable ignominious exit after lacklustre Premier League performances which he will blame on the team, the backroom staff and the club owners, WWN Sport can confirm. The 56-year-old manager jumped at the chance… Read more »

Local Politician Only Sorry They Got Caught

AFTER A recent spate of politicians being caught espousing racist rhetoric in social media posts, newspaper interviews and/or in the Dáil itself, the politicians involved have confirmed their carefully crafted groveling apologies are about as genuine as 4-striped runners with the word Adidose written on them. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am I… Read more »

Daniel O’Donnell Forced Once Again To Deny Part In Biggie & Tupac Killings

AGGRESSIVELY beating his chest while proclaiming “you’re looking at an innocent man” the long, neverending nightmare for Donegal crooner Daniel O’Donnell continues. O’Donnell has yet again been forced to distance himself from the murder of rapper Tupac Shakur in September 1996 and Biggie Smalls in March 1997 after being hauled in for questioning once more… Read more »