WINTER is coming. Which means it’s time for The Great British Bake-Off, the only British product that an Irish person is permitted to enjoy. Last night saw season 13 kick off with with 12 new bakers, 2 hosts, 2 judges, and more buns than your Aunt’s wake. Here’s how it all went down:
- We were introduced to Rebs from Northern Ireland, who was deemed good-looking enough for 87% of the audience to look her up on Instagram
- Noel Fielding is now 38% less annoying than ever before, although he still remains 98% more annoying than the industry standard.
- There was disappointment for hundreds of thousands of women when strapping gym buff and cake maestro Sandro was revealed to be also very gay.
- Casual viewer Damian Martin from Offaly declared that he ‘could make better red velvet cakes than that’, baffling his wife who has never seen him in the kitchen throughout their 23-year marriage.
- A moments silence was held at the end of the show to commemorate the buns we lost this year.
- Matt Lucas looks ‘very well’ after his dramatic weight loss, according to one Waterford mother. ‘Doesn’t he look very well,’ she commented every ten minutes.
- Hundreds of racist ‘I thought this was supposed to be the ‘great BRITISH bake off’ tweets were posted within minutes of the show airing, from Twitter accounts with no profile pics and a string of numbers in their handles, for whom the world of amateur baking is where they draw the line in the sand.
- Paul Hollywood continues to believe that he’s the George Clooney of the bread world, bless him.
Join us next week where we’ll be discussing more from the world of sex, buns and rock ‘n roll.
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