Tag: instant

Ryan Giggs To Be Put Out To Stud

Following his trophy-laden 24 year career with predominant English soccer club Manchester United, Ryan Giggs recently called an end to his on-pitch pursuits and now comes news that he has been sold to a nearby footballing stud farm. Located in the Yorkshire Dales and run by one of association football’s most esteemed stud farmers Oliver… Read more »

Office Psycho Openly Farts In Cramped Lift

Unsettling scenes unfolded between the 2nd and 3rd floors of Geeney & Associates earlier today. Paul Crean, long suspected of being the resident ‘office psycho’ pursued a sustained and frenzied attack on the occupants of the office lift, solely using the melodious utterances of his buttocks. Among his victims was receptionist Aoife Stewart, just two… Read more »

Macauley Culkin Signs On For ‘Home Alone 6’

The sequel to the popular series has a working title of ‘Kevin’s Intervention’ and will see former child star Macauley Culkin return to acting after several years away from the profession. The wildly popular 90s franchise will see a shift in tone but will stay true to the original premise of the hero, Kevin McCallister,… Read more »

Government To Return Medical Cards In Exchange For Votes

The HSE will now review the process which saw discretionary medical cards revoked from a number of patients with serious illnesses but many have accused the Government of engaging in a cynical political ploy. A Government insider revealed that the updated process may well involve seriously ill citizens give the majority coalition partner, Fine Gael,… Read more »

Man Utd Sign Fabregas In Man Utd Fan’s Head

Gary Farrell, a lifelong Manchester United fan took affirmative action last night and signed Spanish international Cesc Fabregas while simultaneously drooling on his pillow while muttering ‘come, lie beside me Cesc. Now, through ball me’. While the news that transfer signings made by fans as they dream are not transferable to real life has proved… Read more »