How Enda Got His Mojo Back


WITH the Dáil back in session and the government determined to get at least one thing right before Fianna Fáil pulls the plug, Enda Kenny talks exclusively to WWN’s Eve Moran about how he got his mojo back.

How does one ask the Taoiseach if he’s lost ‘it’? After giving it close to 4 seconds thought, I simply said ‘Taoiseach, have you lost it?’. He laughed and he was right to because of course he hasn’t. With that renewed twinkle dancing around his pupils, this was a man with a plan and he was happy to declare he had got his mojo back, but how?

“Well it’s easy really, I just listened to Lady Hear Me Tonight by the band Modjo round the clock, 24/7, until I felt like I could take on the world,” the Fine Gael leader explained. He added that he has never been more determined to carry out the mandate given to him by a quarter of the population who are hoping for a giveaway budget.

“Don’t get me wrong, I also read Mojo music magazine as well, you’ve got to really get your mojo back to get it back, if you follow”. I did.

Enda, he modestly insisted I call him that, admitted it isn’t all plain sailing during the summer recess, politicians can often feel cut adrift, questioning why they chose to work in a profession that could pay them significantly more money than their previous profession as a primary school teacher.

“When the Dáil isn’t in session some TDs can let their routine slide, I turned to spice bags and wispa golds like a rabid hound chasing after a steak. The pounds piled on. But I’m hitting the gym again, keeping the mind focused with things like Sudoku. Only the easy ones mind, have ya seen the harder ones? They’re bloody impossible, it’s a scam by the French to make you feel stupid”.

Enda confirmed his parliamentary assistant goes to the gym on his behalf and does a work out as early as 6am most mornings.

“I’m amazed I have the energy, but I suppose watching How Stella Got Her Groove Back will do that to you”.

But what of the work of the government?

“I have never been more passionate about getting at least one thing right, that doesn’t have the majority of the country up in arms. And I think we’ve started out on the right foot this time. Just last week the cabinet and I discussed what stationery to buy and we chose BIC biros and we ordered them and they arrived on time. We were delighted that we didn’t mess that up. It was a confidence builder, who knows what we can achieve now building on that. That was 14 hours of intense discussion well spent”.

What does he say to his critics who point out the housing crisis, youth unemployment and myriad other issues are still plaguing Irish life?

“Stop bringing facts into this, I’m just here to talk about my mojo”.

How do he sleep at night?

“Members of the public are constantly asking me this, and I think insomnia is a growing problem in this country and it’s great that they turn to me, their Taoiseach for advice. I’m glad you’ve given me another opportunity to speak on this issue. I find that lying down on a bed and closing your eyes is a great start, I have an almost 100% success rate with falling asleep if I start this way”.