Trump Feared Alive After Mexican Wrestling Match Defeat

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US presidential hopeful Donald Trump has spent the afternoon in hospital after foolishly agreeing to participate in a Lucha Libre wrestling match while on a recent tour of Mexico.

Despite the doctor’s best efforts it is believed none of the injuries are life threatening and Trump will make a full recovery, much to the disappointment of the majority of the world.

Trump, who controversially claimed that if elected he will build a wall separating America from Mexico using money contributed by the Mexican government, did not require surgery on his injuries but will be without the use of his legs and tiny, tiny hands for the next week.

The Republican nominee, wrestling under the name ‘the Orange BS machine’ accepted the invitation to wrestle while taking the opportunity to again confirm he invented the sport and was ‘the best at it’, while also sharing the claim that he invented the taco, angering his Mexican opponents further.

No stranger to the art of professional wrestling following his appearance at Wrestlemania 23 in 2007, Trump was under the impression that his appearance would involve little more than waving at the crowd and smiling while using the phrases “build the wall” and “crooked Hillary” every 30 seconds, and as always making it up as he goes along.

However, the entire Mexican wrestling locker-room rushed into the ring and Trump soon found himself on the receiving end of a seemingly never-ending series of head-scissor takedowns, with the referee in no rush to have the bout called off.

“I’m in great pain, OK, nobody is in pain the way I’m in pain right now,” said Trump, eating with the aid of a straw.

“I’m just in the best pain. I love it. Those hurricanranas? I took like 50 of them. That’s great. Really. It’s just amazing. Guys in masks beating the crap out of me for over an hour while the crowd just kept chanting louder. Honestly. They’ve never given anyone a beating like the one they gave me out there”.

At time of writing, Mr. Trump’s hair has yet to be recovered.

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