Category: LOCAL NEWS

Politicians Have Just 1 Month To Make Empty Promises To Electorate Before Local & European Elections

Lampposts up and down the country continue to be peppered with Ireland’s leading sycophants and sociopaths as the race for local and European elections really hot up. With just a month until ballots are cast by the electorate politicians are eagerly pounding the pavement and reluctantly talking directly to members of the public. “It is… Read more »

Big Macs Safe To Eat Today Due To Low Meat Content

CATHOLICS adhering to the fasting and abstinence rules of Good Friday were issued a reprieve today, after the Vatican issued a statement declaring that McDonalds burgers were still on the menu due to their low meat content. “We listen to the prayers and opinions of our flock every year” said Spanish cleric Monsignor ‘Special’ Francis… Read more »

Calls For Death Penalty To Be Temporarily Reintroduced For Anglo Banker Sentencing

THE NATION has called on the government today to temporarily reintroduce the death penalty for the sentencing of convicted Anglo Irish bankers Pat Whelan and William McAteer. Yesterday the two former directors of Anglo Irish Bank were found guilty of hatching a multi-million euro loans-for-shares plot months before the bank’s collapse, crippling the entire nation… Read more »

Local Lad Stockpiles Cans Ahead Of Good Friday

MANAGER of Cashman’s Off License in Waterford Gary Cashman was stunned today as his stock of cans was depleted by local lad Diarmuid ‘Dingo’ Walsh in a matter of minutes. Mr. Cashman spoke to WWN about his shock at selling Mr. Walsh 9 slabs of Blonderbräu and 9 slabs of Druids all at once. The… Read more »