“How I Made My Fortune By Stealing Pens From Work”


MAKING your fortune is fairly straightforward if you steal copious amounts of Bic biros from your employer, millionaire entrepreneur Eoin Slaney tells WWN.

“It’s basic business stuff, you just steal a load of shit and then sell it for money. I did it for over 15 years, and I’m happy to say I’m now filthy rich. My game was the storage closet in work, they had mountains of pens, but honestly you can steal other stuff too. I just wasn’t arsed as big boxes of staplers are too heavy to carry, and after losing a finger I learned my lesson when it came to carrying loads of scissors”

The wise words of business guru Eoin Slaney, who spoke at length in the Convention Centre this morning to business leaders, explaining his path from call centre worker to multi-millionaire.

“They say do what you know, so when everyone in the old office started saying ‘we’ve no pens’, I told them the wife steals loads from work and that I could sell some to the company. Bingo. My first client. My product cost me nothing, and so the markup was a serious part of why the money started rolling in”.

Eoin spoke of how the business further expanded to keep up with demand.

“You see, I’d steal back the pens I just sold the office, so that started an endless cycle of selling the same pens over and over again. I was making 4 or 5 trips to the storage closet to nick them back almost every day. Then I also sold a few to my son’s school, as I had begun training him up in the family business”.

With Eoin, his wife and his son all stealing pens from their places of work, the profits were through the roof, but further expansion was eyed up by visionary entrepreneur.

“Pens was the present. And I knew pens would be the future too. I was stealing some change out of a Trocaire box when it dawned on me, the lads on the Trocaire boxes are always in need of pens. so I volunteered with several charities and donated loads of pens, only to steal them back again. Are you identifying the business model yet? They felt so guilty that they had lost my donation, they insisted on paying for replacement pens and I was only too happy to supply them”.

The entrepreneur admits that his career was not without its setbacks.

“We got into the adopting kids from abroad game, and selling them to needy couples. So we’d sell a kid to a couple, but when we stole the child back and tried to charge them again for a replacement, they could tell right away. Pens all look the same, so we stuck with pens after that”.

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