Tesco Launches Finest* Frozen Embryo Range

RETAIL giant Tesco has launched the worlds first commercially available frozen embryo  – the latest example of its ‘Finest range’ strategy to develop exclusive products that are to made more readily available to struggling customers looking for cheaper alternatives to medical procedures and treatments. The supermarket hopes to “shake up its self-medication aisle” and target couples with… Read more »

Mick Wallace To Use leader’s Allowance To Research lodging Money Into Mick Wallace Bank Account

INDEPENDENT TD Mick Wallace has defended his acceptance of the ‘Leader’s Allowance’ given to Independent TDs in the Dáil, saying he will only use it for research on how to lodge money into Mick Wallace bank accounts. In a strongly-worded statement on his official government platform –  Facebook, Wallace said he needs to learn for himself how… Read more »

Electric Ireland: Price Hikes Unavoidable As ‘Electricity Pole Crops’ Fall Victim To Wet Summer

ENERGY provider Electric Ireland (formally ESB) announced today that a new 6% increase in electricity prices was ‘unavoidable’ due to a poor yield in ‘electricity polecrops’ this Summer. The energy firm reported a drastic drop in the number of electricity poles harvested this year and expects a similar price increase in January 2013. CEO of the company Pat O’Doherty… Read more »

“Those Crusty Irish Bastards Really Got Us By The Balls Now!” Admits Shell CEO

SHELL CEO Peter Voser admitted today that the shell-to-sea protesters have really got the multinational oil and gas company by the balls after a truck carrying drilling equipment for the Corrib project got stuck on a road yesterday. The worlds largest oil company was said to be on the verge of collapse following the incident, according to demonstrators at the scene. Mr. Voser… Read more »

Moses Suing Apple And Samsung Over Tablet Patent

RELIGIOUS leader Moses is suing rival tablet makers  Samsung and Apple over the design of their touch screen computer  products, which includes the I-pad and Galaxy ‘Tab’ PC. The Hebrew lawsuit claims that both companies are copying Moses’ original design for the ten commandment tablets which he created on mount Sinai over 2000 years ago. The prophet… Read more »