Alan Kelly Issued Award For Record Number Of Fuck Ups As A Government Minister


SURPASSING all previous records held by multiple minister in different departments, minister for the environment Alan Kelly was handed an award for record number of fuck ups for a Government minister in an emotional ceremony at Dublin Castle earlier this morning.

With endless u-turns and cock ups involving Irish Water, flooding, homelessness and social housing Kelly is comfortably in the lead with his record number of mishaps in office reaching the rare figure of 1,000.

“He isn’t helped by the country being flat broke, but despite being a modest man I feel he should take a lot of the credit,” the Taoiseach, Enda Kenny said, speaking briefly and warmly at the lavish ceremony which saw Kelly receive a large plaque which read ‘Fuck Up’ in large black lettering.

“It’s hard to pick a favourite, but it probably has to be that new minimum apartment sizes that architects say is basically impossible, that one has me laughing around the clock,” explained voter Aine Twomey, who said she doesn’t normally go in for heaping praise of ‘political types’ however, she couldn’t miss this unique opportunity.

A visibly embarrassed Kelly refused to give a speech, quickly leaving the stage to loud and sarcastic applause.

“I think you could count turning up to accept this award as another fuck up,” chuckled another member of the public Fionn Kinsella, “he’s just committing fuck ups for the craic at this stage”.

Kelly later insisted the poorly researched and reviewed initiative to kick-start shoddy and cheap apartment construction would eventually work if he was just given the opportunity for a minimum of 100 or 2000 more fuck ups.