Category: WORLD NEWS

Death Of Young Woman Even More Tragic Now That She Was ‘A Fine Thing’

THE untimely death of 21-year-old Jessica Harris last Tuesday evening was said to be even ‘more tragic now’ after images released by her family reveal what an absolute ‘fine thing’ she really was. Thousands of people across the country have swamped national newspapers and internet forums with condolence letters and comments voicing their absolute disgust at the… Read more »

Facebook Apologises After Confusing Cost Of Market ‘Shares’ With ‘Share Shares’

ANALYSTS at Facebook’s IPO underwriters have admitted today to accidentally pricing actual stock market shares with the social networks own ‘share’ option which is frequently used by its 800 million members. WWN has learned that the research analysts at the company’s lead underwriters – Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, and JP Morgan—had cut their earnings estimates for… Read more »

Theory on ‘Invisible’ Dark Matter Which Holds Universe Together Is ‘Absolute fairytale’, Says Pope

THE POPE has laughed-off sciences latest theory on ‘dark matter’, saying that the idea of an invisible force that holds the entire universe together is an ‘absolute fairytale’. The Holy see slammed the hypothesis earlier this week and asked people who believed in the idea to ‘get a reality check’. A spokesman for the Vatican told… Read more »

‘My Only Regret Is Not Featuring In An Internet Viral Video Campaign’, Says Dying Mugabe

ZIMBABWEAN dictator Robert Mugabe told family members and friends last night that his only regret was never featuring in an internet viral video campaign like ‘Kony 2012’. The cancer stricken leader flew to Singapore by private jet on Saturday for treatment, but took a turn for the best and is said to be suffering excruciating pain in his final… Read more »

Queen ‘Fucking Stoked’ About Jubilee

THE Queen of England said she was ‘fucking stoked’ about her upcoming diamond jubilee celebrations, which will take place on the week-end of the 2-5 of June this year in London. The 85-year-old monarch told press today of her excitement when she arrived in King’s Lynn as she marks the 60th anniversary of her accession to… Read more »

Iran ‘Planning’ To Sneak Into Western Homes And Eat Babies While Parents Sleep

AMERICA’S leading intelligence official, James Clapper, warned today that Iran is planning to eat western babies while unsuspecting parents are asleep in their nice, cosy beds. The US director of national intelligence said Iranian special forces, who are hiding all over the world, were plotting to eat random babies in a sick and evil operation code… Read more »