Oscars 2018 To Feature New ‘Dead To Us’ Segment

REPORTS are emerging from Hollywood that the 2018 edition of the Academy Awards ceremony will feature a section dedicated to the actors, producers, directors and industry chiefs whose careers were ended by allegations of historical sex abuse in 2017.

Taking place right after the ‘In Memoriam’ segment dedicated to dead members of the film industry, the new ‘dead to us’ section will feature Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, and Bill Cosby for certain, with many more powerful Hollywood names sure to be added to the list between now and the 90th Academy Awards in late February.

The move comes following news that Kevin Spacey’s role in a forthcoming Ridley Scott movie is to be re-cast and re-shot in the wake of toxic revelations about Spacey’s alleged predatorial abuse of underage actors, with Academy officials estimating that the ‘dead to us’ segment may push the already-bloated ceremony past the 6-hour mark.

“Does Singer spell his name Bryan or Brian?” asked an art director for the ‘dead to us’ segment, which is being updated daily.

“Two ‘p’s in Depp? This could be the longest segment in the Oscars since Jim Cameron’s acceptance speech for Titanic. Of course, we could have had a ‘dead to us’ segment every year all the way back to the Kirk Douglas and Natalie Wood allegations 60 years ago, but the industry had a better handle on covering these things up back then”.

“Since Weinstein, we have to be seen to be doing something about a problem that we successfully ignored for decades. With a bit of luck, we’ll weed out the bad guys and everything will be absolutely fine in the land where beautiful young people have to make sure not to upset powerful, wealthy men if they want to follow their dreams”.

The Academy has also reported that it will be holding the ceremony in the smaller upstairs 40-seater section of the Kodak theater in Los Angeles, which should comfortably fit the few dozen industry people who haven’t been arrested by then.