IRISH VOTERS are taking no precautions after learning that Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael are shaking hands and therefore increasing the risk of harm to the public through the rapid spread of potential agreements in policies. While some have told the Irish public not to panic needlessly, urging them to wait until a formal agreement… Read more »
WHERE IT’S coming from remains unclear. Is it thundering from the clouds above? Being piped through the sewers via a speaker system directly from Hell? Or is it just your mind playing tricks on you? The Irish public has many questions regarding where exactly the satanic flourishes of the iconic ‘Ave Santini’ song from The… Read more »
POURING over the latest post-election opinion poll that gives Sinn Féin 35% of voters support, Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael are, for the first time in their illustrious histories, beginning to suspect the Irish public may not hold them in the sort of high esteem normally reserved for cherished loved ones. “You don’t think this… Read more »
TAKING a break from so-called ‘exploratory talks between his party and Fianna Fáil over a failure to find anything to disagree on, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has returned momentarily to his favourite pastime which some people have labeled as hysterical scaremongering regarding Sinn Féin. “Sinn Féin are not a normal party; further proof of this is… Read more »
CONSUMER CONFIDENCE in Irish Democracy has plummeted as news of the mooted merger between industry leading Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael spreads. Off the back of recent job losses and a significant reduction in their market share, the two former-blue chip entities are rumoured to be spending much of the day discussing a merger, however,… Read more »
NEARLY 1,000 people attending a Sinn Féin rally in Cork yesterday were said to be ‘left not wanting for anything’ after miraculously being fed with just a handful of bread, fish and fresh promises, handed down by leader Mary Lou McDonald. Making her way down the river Lee on foot, hundreds gathered to witness the… Read more »
CONSULTING a whiteboard with hastily written plot outlines from Hollywood time travel sci-fi movies on it, Micheál Martin and Leo Varadkar have been frantically explaining why 24.5% of the Irish voting public could have set off a sequence of events that could result in a rip in the space time continuum. “Marginalised Loyalist paramilitaries could… Read more »
HERE’S what’s in store for all new and returning TDs as the 33rd Dáil sits for the first time. There will be considerable back-to-Dáil traffic in Dublin City as eager parents drop their TD children off at the gates of Leinster House. Expect the mounting of pavements and parking on double yellow lines. To signal… Read more »
AS stop-start government formation talks between Irish political parties trudge on, the Irish nation has been seen fidgeting and tapping on its watch before reminding politicians it hasn’t got all fucking day. “We’ve shit to be doing, so are we governmenting or are we election 2.0-ing?” an irritated Irish public relayed to Sinn Féin, Fianna… Read more »
WITH the likelihood of a ‘grand coalition’ involving Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael increasing, some incensed Sinn Féin voters continue to labour under the misapprehension that 100% of the nation voted for Sinn Féin. Much in the same way Fine Gael voters in 2016 couldn’t understand why the 75% of the country that didn’t vote… Read more »