Tag: fianna fail

Fire Brigade Called After Donnelly Gets Head Stuck In Dáil Railings

FRESH from the Taoiseach revealing he only learned about the recent, probably fairly inconsequential collapse of the country’s contact tracing system via an Irish Times article, today has brought yet another embarrassing incident for the hapless three-party government. “Eh, sorry lads,” shared a sheepish Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly to firemen arriving at the scene… Read more »

“You Can Fucking Keep It”: Martin Dramatically Hands Taoiseach Role Back To Varadkar

THE government’s ‘revolving Taoiseach’ arrangement has spun its first revolution, with Micheál Martin now ‘more than willing’ to hand it back over to Leo Varadkar, after a tumultuous few months in power which has averaged a damaging cock up every six minutes. “I honestly didn’t think he’d last this long” smirked Varadkar, reading an email… Read more »

Taoiseach Replaces Varadkar’s Face Mask With A Muzzle

ROLLING his eyes towards the heavens yet again Taoiseach Micheál Martin has ordered government officials to restrain Tánaiste Leo Varadkar so he can swap out his face mask for a muzzle, WWN understands. “If you’re not undermining me and the government by leaking every-fucking-thing to the press you’re tweeting about how middle class white guys… Read more »

How To Perform A Government Policy U-Turn

WITH the coalition government confirming that PUP recipients will no longer have their payments cancelled if they are found to have murdered someone gone on holidays, the government has performed its latest in a series of embarrassing headline-grabbing U-turns. Have you recently made a decision or taken an action you’ve since regretted? Perhaps the government’s… Read more »

Government Issuing More Mixed Messages Than Your Ex-Boyfriend

AN EXASPERATED nation is quickly losing its patience with the coalition government over its continued mixed messaging in regards to travel, pubs and masks among other things; an elite level of poor communication only rivaled by your ex-boyfriend. “‘Don’t travel abroad but here’s a list of countries you can travel abroad too’, honestly this is… Read more »