Tag: fianna fail

Taoiseach Replaces Varadkar’s Face Mask With A Muzzle

ROLLING his eyes towards the heavens yet again Taoiseach Micheál Martin has ordered government officials to restrain Tánaiste Leo Varadkar so he can swap out his face mask for a muzzle, WWN understands. “If you’re not undermining me and the government by leaking every-fucking-thing to the press you’re tweeting about how middle class white guys… Read more »

How To Perform A Government Policy U-Turn

WITH the coalition government confirming that PUP recipients will no longer have their payments cancelled if they are found to have murdered someone gone on holidays, the government has performed its latest in a series of embarrassing headline-grabbing U-turns. Have you recently made a decision or taken an action you’ve since regretted? Perhaps the government’s… Read more »

Government Issuing More Mixed Messages Than Your Ex-Boyfriend

AN EXASPERATED nation is quickly losing its patience with the coalition government over its continued mixed messaging in regards to travel, pubs and masks among other things; an elite level of poor communication only rivaled by your ex-boyfriend. “‘Don’t travel abroad but here’s a list of countries you can travel abroad too’, honestly this is… Read more »

FF/FG Describe Terrifying Scenario In Which Public Get To Vote Again If Coalition Isn’t Formed

FIANNA FÁIL and Fine Gael have taken to the media to outline for the Irish public the horrifying prospect of something called a ‘general election’ if the parties, along with the Greens, fail to ratify the potential coalition’s programme for government. Questions of Seanad appointees, electing a Taoiseach and constitutional crisis aside, the two parties… Read more »

“Here’s Leo”

WITH all the elegance and grace of a paraplegic sloth on quaaludes, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar awoke from his post election slumber to tear down the door of the electorate’s consciousness in the hopes of forming some kind of government that no one particularly wants. “Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the… Read more »