ROLLING his eyes towards the heavens yet again Taoiseach Micheál Martin has ordered government officials to restrain Tánaiste Leo Varadkar so he can swap out his face mask for a muzzle, WWN understands. “If you’re not undermining me and the government by leaking every-fucking-thing to the press you’re tweeting about how middle class white guys… Read more »
WITH the coalition government confirming that PUP recipients will no longer have their payments cancelled if they are found to have murdered someone gone on holidays, the government has performed its latest in a series of embarrassing headline-grabbing U-turns. Have you recently made a decision or taken an action you’ve since regretted? Perhaps the government’s… Read more »
AN EXASPERATED nation is quickly losing its patience with the coalition government over its continued mixed messaging in regards to travel, pubs and masks among other things; an elite level of poor communication only rivaled by your ex-boyfriend. “‘Don’t travel abroad but here’s a list of countries you can travel abroad too’, honestly this is… Read more »
BLINKING and rubbing their eyes in disbelief as the reports reached them, the Nation is still adjusting to the news that an Irish politician has actually suffered the direct consequences of their own actions. “No, not seeing any other examples, this is quare strange,” confirmed one Irish political historian, failing to find any incident in… Read more »
WITH Fianna Fáil TD Barry Cowen taking to the Dáil to not answer any questions on his drink driving ban, or on claiming the full €7,000 plus travel expenses for the three months he was banned as a driver, the Irish public could be forgiven for thinking CERN scientists had finally cracked time travel and… Read more »
FRESH from watching what was once thought to be an extinct ritual; a Fianna Fáil minister apologising in the Dáil for omitting information someone running for office should have made public, the party has announced the dispatching of developers around the country to begin a huge construction project. Much of the nation’s parish pumps were… Read more »
FIANNA FÁIL and Fine Gael have taken to the media to outline for the Irish public the horrifying prospect of something called a ‘general election’ if the parties, along with the Greens, fail to ratify the potential coalition’s programme for government. Questions of Seanad appointees, electing a Taoiseach and constitutional crisis aside, the two parties… Read more »
“IT’S not like I go out every election and say, ‘yeah okay I’m going to vote for Fianna Fáil, what a genuis idea’ but somehow that’s where my pen goes every time, it’s a fucking sickness”. The words of one of the many tortured souls in attendance at this evening’s FFVA meeting. Some might think… Read more »
IRISH VOTERS are taking no precautions after learning that Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael are shaking hands and therefore increasing the risk of harm to the public through the rapid spread of potential agreements in policies. While some have told the Irish public not to panic needlessly, urging them to wait until a formal agreement… Read more »
WITH all the elegance and grace of a paraplegic sloth on quaaludes, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar awoke from his post election slumber to tear down the door of the electorate’s consciousness in the hopes of forming some kind of government that no one particularly wants. “Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the… Read more »