Government Issuing More Mixed Messages Than Your Ex-Boyfriend


AN EXASPERATED nation is quickly losing its patience with the coalition government over its continued mixed messaging in regards to travel, pubs and masks among other things; an elite level of poor communication only rivaled by your ex-boyfriend.

“‘Don’t travel abroad but here’s a list of countries you can travel abroad too’, honestly this is worse than when my ex sent a ‘you up?’ text at 3am two days after dumping me,” confirmed one fed up member of the public.

In addition to delaying the opening of pubs while other pubs have been open for weeks and potentially mandating mask wearing indoors 5 months after the pandemic first took hold, the government are dangerously close to reaching garbled “it’s not you, it’s me” levels of pathetic ex-boyfriendness despite promising reopening pubs, whenever that is, will come with clear guidance written in heiroglyphics with disappearing ink.

“Oh the classic ‘it’s not my fault, it’s young ones on the drink that are to blame’ – heard the same thing from my bastard of an ex when I caught him cheating,” confirmed one grizzled veteran of contradictory ‘just let me explain’ conversations.

And with Micheál Martin attending an EU leaders meeting in Brussels, it is presumed he won’t be adhering to recommendations to self-isolate for 14 days upon his return further adding to the ‘wait, is this gaslighting?’ of it all.

“Look if I wanted someone in government who doesn’t make any sense, has mood swings and blames me for when they get things wrong, I’d have voted for my ex in the election. Sort your fucking selves out,” concluded another member of the public.