Minister For Health Has Genius Idea To Buy More Vaccines

Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share

ANNOUNCING his intention to ask a task force to look into the possibilities pertaining to the practicalities of the procurement of extra vaccines supplies outside of the existing EU supply deal, a frankly disappointed Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly hoped the rest of the country could get their heads out of their asses and help him every once in a while.

“Stephen’s a one man Covid-solving band, he has to come up with all these ingenious solutions like ‘buy more vaccines’ himself, and you know, this would all be a lot easier if other people opened their mouths for once and offered up ideas and solutions to problems he pretends don’t exist,” confirmed a spokesperson for the minister.

“Oh it’s all well and good acting like you’d do a better job, but tell me this, would you have the vision to cut 300 newly qualified doctors from the health service in the middle of a pandemic as will happen in July? No, but do you know who has that vision? Grandmaster Egghead,” added a spokesperson.

In response to the news that the latest 7-day vaccine target was missed by some 20,000 people the HSE announced they will now count them over an 8-day period to better hide failures while the minister explores none of the options available to increase numbers.

“People are so bad honestly, at this rate I think Stephen’s going to have to nominate himself for a Nobel Peace Prize,” concluded the spokesperson.

Despite frustrations the public has admitted to developing a grudging respect for the minister.

“I don’t like to speak poorly of people, no wait, that’s I lie – I just think we’d do better if we had a minister of health who wasn’t as useless as a chocolate teapot that has the ego the size of a small country,” shared one member of the public.

Elsewhere, government TDs complaining about the government’s slow rollout of the vaccination programme have been politely reminded they are the fucking government.

We appreciate all the help we can get, become a WWN Patreon Supporter below and gain access to bonus content.

Become a Patron!