A FIENDISH UK based cat who’s evil, like all cats, knows no bounds has admitted to purposefully catching the Covid-19 virus in a bid to kill off its owner who has slavishly served the cat’s every whim for the last 6 years. “Meow!” explained grey tabby Merlin, as the first UK based pet to contract… Read more »
BARRY LOONAN (49), clearly a sick, sick individual spent upwards of 5 hours engaging a donkey in conversation, regaling the poor animal with the sort of anecdotes and mindlessly boring shite talk that would cure chronic insomnia in an incident horrified animal welfare workers have called ‘the worst they’ve ever seen’. “He’s a sick scumbag… Read more »
ANIMAL experts have noticed disturbing signs that suggest the world’s cats are somehow becoming ‘more aware’ of the spike in mortality rates thanks to Covid-19, and are eagerly awaiting making a feast of your remains after you die. “It’s like they can smell the death in the air” said feline expert Augustus O’Flynn, speaking from… Read more »
WHILE the world’s humans have been caught up in their struggle to contain the Covid-19 outbreak, very few have given much thought to the hurt caused by those vicious social media trolls who have tracked down and exposed the identity of the bat allegedly responsible for facilitating the cross species contamination. Derek, a Hubei based… Read more »
A RARE shorted-necked giraffe, believed to be one of just 7 left in the world, is being protected by zookeepers in Dublin zoo after other giraffes began to systematically bully and isolate him. K’Cenon, a rare African parvulus giraffe which only occurs in one in a million births, had moved to Dublin zoo 4 months… Read more »
THE ISPCA has issued its annual warning to parents and gift-givers ahead of Christmas, urging them to reconsider giving their kids dangerous wild lizards such as Komodo dragons, Gila monsters and Asian water monitors as gifts this year. “It may seem like a good idea to give little Johnny or little Una a nine-foot, 200lb… Read more »
SUFFERING what vets on the scene have confirmed as chronic battery failure, the last know tamotchi has sadly died in the Etosha National Park, in Namibia. “We were too late,” a disconsolate vet Anders Ahrens said, cradling the recently perished tamotchi in his arms, a study in profound grief. It is believed Tolo the tamogotchi… Read more »
ANIMAL rights activists have called on the world’s largest energy drink manufacturers to stop the annual slaughter of 500 million red bulls, urging them to substitute the animals liquidised genitalia for another ingredient instead. “It takes 12 pairs of fully grown red bull testicles to make 100 cans of the energy drink,” a spokesperson for PETA explained, “this is such… Read more »