Tag: animals

Five Possible Locations Fungie Is Hiding Out In

WITH Ireland’s most loved sea mammal still currently missing at the time of writing, WWN speculates as to the whereabouts of Fungie the dolphin in a bid to bring some hope to our distraught nation. After highly scientific calculations which involved attaching the guesses to the Winning Streak wheel and spinning, WWN can reveal the… Read more »

ISPCA Called After Man Talks Hind Legs Off Donkey

BARRY LOONAN (49), clearly a sick, sick individual spent upwards of 5 hours engaging a donkey in conversation, regaling the poor animal with the sort of anecdotes and mindlessly boring shite talk that would cure chronic insomnia in an incident horrified animal welfare workers have called ‘the worst they’ve ever seen’. “He’s a sick scumbag… Read more »

Cat Looking Forward To Eating You When You Die

ANIMAL experts have noticed disturbing signs that suggest the world’s cats are somehow becoming ‘more aware’ of the spike in mortality rates thanks to Covid-19, and are eagerly awaiting making a feast of your remains after you die. “It’s like they can smell the death in the air” said feline expert Augustus O’Flynn, speaking from… Read more »