Cat Purposely Caught Covid-19 In The Hope Of Killing Off Owner
A FIENDISH UK based cat who’s evil, like all cats, knows no bounds has admitted to purposefully catching the Covid-19 virus in a bid to kill off its owner who has slavishly served the cat’s every whim for the last 6 years.
“Meow!” explained grey tabby Merlin, as the first UK based pet to contract the virus outlined how he had also taken to hocking up furballs into his owner’s mouth at night in a bid to clog up their lungs, making it harder to fight any potential Covid-19 diagnosis.
“Meow,” the maniacal cat added, revealing that while his owner was telling friends and family ‘oh yeah, Merlin’s out prowling the street’ during various lockdown Zoom calls, Merlin was in fact visiting various virus hotspots such as Leicester, Luton and the Tory cabinet, licking every available surface and then his fur in the hopes of developing a fever and dry cough.
Cat and pandemic experts have admitted they had always feared an ‘unholy alliance’ being forged between felines and the virus.
“OK, this is exactly the shit we don’t need right now,” confirmed the WHO, finally sent over the edge after weeks of seeing well to do Europeans posting sun holidays selfies as cases hit the 16 million mark worldwide.
“Meow!” offered Merlin, who had now recovered sufficiently to taken off a cat-sized ventilator, cursing the fact his still alive owner was asymptomatic.
Those fearing their demented cats will try something similar were reassured by experts that “most cats are smart enough to just slowly poison your food”.