Cat Looking Forward To Eating You When You Die


ANIMAL experts have noticed disturbing signs that suggest the world’s cats are somehow becoming ‘more aware’ of the spike in mortality rates thanks to Covid-19, and are eagerly awaiting making a feast of your remains after you die.

“It’s like they can smell the death in the air” said feline expert Augustus O’Flynn, speaking from the safety of a catproof booth.

“They know something is up. Dogs have no clue. Dogs don’t know that you’re working from home, they don’t have the senses to pickup on your increased fear and anxiety. But cats do. They know that it could be only a matter of time before…” added O’Flynn before miming what a cat would look like eating fingers.

O’Flynn went on to warn that an increase in playfulness and affection from your cat could be a sign that they’re growing restless at your refusal to lie down and die from Covid-19.

“You know the way you might open the oven to see how your dinner is getting on? That’s what a cat is doing when he snuggles up to you” explained O’Flynn.

“When they curl up on your lap, they’re tenderising you. Picking the bit they’ll eat first. Sensing if you have any unseen symptoms of Covid-19. Honestly, if a cat friendly’s up to you, you should probably look about getting a test”.

Cats were available for comment, but you could tell from the way they were looking at you that they were up to something.