IN AN HEROIC and selfless decision, arrived at completely independently with no outside pressure, FIFA, the great bastion of moral footballing fortitude have banned Russian teams from competing in the tournament FIFA was bribed into awarding to Russia in 2018. “But we got rid of those corrupt people, that was before my time” said FIFA… Read more »
VLADIMIR PUTIN has labeled efforts to personally sanction him, his close allies and oligarchs as ‘cancel culture gone mad’ in a statement that is sure to be endorsed by middle aged men everywhere. “Can’t illegally invade anywhere and commit war crimes without people on Twitter and the international community trying to ruin your life, snakes… Read more »
THE DEPARTMENT of Defence has confirmed it has put its Guinness fart deterrent forces (GFDF) on standby following Vladimir Putin’s latest nuclear threat, WWN reports. Minister for Foreign Affairs Simon Coveney stated the new measures will see hundreds of the country’s best Guinness drinkers being positioned at key strategic points around the island in a… Read more »
FOLLOWING a raft of sanctions by EU, America, Canada and other nations on Russia’s regime, Vladimir Putin is set to personally feel the pinch as his own overseas wealth is targeted. “Aside from any assets like boats and houses abroad we can link to Putin, other assets have been frozen in effort to prove his… Read more »
WHILE many Irish people have been watching on in horror at the unfolding invasion of Ukraine, elsewhere Irish politicians have been busy using the situation to score incredibly cheap points against political rivals. If you’re not a politician then this guide isn’t for you because you have not been cursed with an addiction to whataboutery… Read more »
FOLLOWING the success of the ‘clap for your health service’ program during the peak of the Covid pandemic, EU nations have issued a statement urging people to take to their doorsteps at 6pm UTC tonight to issue a one-fingered salute in the direction of Moscow, to let president Vladimir Putin know what they really think… Read more »
A MONUMENTAL idiot with a desiccated turd for a brain has declared that he would have prevented Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. The pea-brained room-temperature-IQ-wielding-wart said this with words from his own mouth despite the fact that he was impeached for threatening to withhold vital military aid to Ukraine until its president agreed to launch… Read more »
MISTAKENLY thinking you could breathe a deep sigh of relief as you said a hopeful farewell to two years of living through a pandemic, 2022 is no longer looking like the quiet, inconsequential year you thought it would be. “Oh fuck not another news app notification,” you said, barely able to gather the courage required… Read more »
SANCTIONS that would condemn other countries to a lifetime of economic catastrophe are reportedly being shrugged off by Vladimir Putin, who remains safe in the knowledge that the world’s dependency on fossil fuels will see Russia’s economy thrive for decades to come. “Oh dear, they’re suspending the Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline, I guess we’d… Read more »
THE GOVERNMENT would absolutely turf your grandmother over the cliffs of Moher or any other headland with gleeful abandon while shouting ‘weeeeee’ if so directed by any big multinational operating in Ireland, according to latest reporting on the issue. “If the meek deference shown in public and private by state bodies and members of the… Read more »