“I Will Remain On Hunger Strike Until The Government Reverses Its Rent Pressure Zone Decision” – Landlord Bill Badbody

BILL BADBODY, editor of WWN, landlord and inspiration to all, is to go on hunger strike in response to the government’s nationwide extension of Rent Pressure Zones.

Mindful of the support he will receive for this strike outside Leinster House, Bill wanted to speak directly to his people from the location of his protest – a deluxe suite in the Shelbourne Hotel:

“When I heard this travesty of a policy, I had to get my assistant Fiachra to run to the nearest window on my behalf just to double check we weren’t living in Mao’s China. I then had him punch the wall in anger on my behalf, for my body has already wasted away to nothing in the 17 minutes since I embarked on this courageous fast.

That’s right starting today, I go on hunger strike until such a time the government sees sense and lets me and my close business associates and developer friends go back to writing official government housing policy.

But Bill, your looming broad-shouldered figure is the envy of the Irish Landlord League set, won’t you endure great hardship, and damage your good Badbody by going on hunger strike?

The short answer is yes. The long answer is that my private physician has advised that I can minimise this damage by taking brief breaks from fasting for nutritional infusions my physician calls ‘breakfast, lunch and dinner’.

While obviously I won’t adhere to the new Rent Pressure Zone rules that say I can’t raise the rent if I have evicted the previous tenant, due to the fact there’s zero enforcement and I’ll get away with it, it has still caused me particular hurt to see such anti-Landlord language there in plain writing.

It is always a risk to speak out as the most vilified and persecuted minority in the world, the humble landlord, but I can’t remain silent.

Perhaps you are in awe of my strength and know your feeble heart couldn’t do what I’m doing.

But if I don’t take a stand what hell awaits us all? It’s a slippery slope, and Mad Micheál and Sly Simon have greased that slope with industrial quantities of KY jelly only breaking our fall with copies of the Communist Manifesto.

Starve a landlord of profit today, starve humanity forever – as someone like Gandhi probably said.”

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