‘Coffee Served In Old Plutonium Containers’, ‘Toddler Chef’, ‘Rat Droppings Replacing Croutons In Salad’: All The Reasons For Recent Food Closure Orders

THE FOOD SAFETY Authority has released the latest list of closure orders of premises serving food, giving a wide range of shocking reasons behind the closures.

Here’s why that cafe, pub, food truck or restaurant in your area has been forced to shut down:

“Bastards insisted on using those dodgy metal teapots that always spill” – Teariffic, Sligo.

“Closure order issued because staff kept asking if everything is okay when your mouth is full” – Pimento, Dublin 8.

“Food truck with gimmick of having toddlers cook your food. Charging €21 for your burger not the problem, rather the ‘Dirty Nappy Burger’ is exactly what is sounds like” – Toddler Chef Food Truck, Dungarvan.

“Real chef turned out to be a rat hiding under the chef’s hat, I wouldn’t mind but he can’t cook for shit” – Morton’s All Day Carvery, Westmeath.

“Closed after discovering the electricity for restaurant was generated by a spinning class of sweaty men in back of kitchen” – Coast Bites, Wicklow.

“Charging €5.50 for a black coffee, have also been referred to the gardaí” – CoughFi, Dublin 4.

“Having everything with its Tesco discount shelf label still visible was the giveaway” – Kearney’s Five Star Dining, Clare.

“It wasn’t just a bakery and coffee dock, it was also a tattoo parlour, barbers, sauna and nail bar. One poor fucker forced to do everything themselves” – Heaven’s Gate, Dublin 14.

“Underground cock fighting ring taking place under one of the tables” – O’Grady’s Chinese, Louth.

“Served coffee in old plutonium containers, further inspection of kitchen revealed fully operation nuclear reactor” – Nona’s Chipper, Cork.

“Had to get my stomach removed the food poisoning was that bad” – Food Safety Authority staff canteen, Dublin 1.

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