Jeffrey Donaldson’s Home, Surrounding Streets Remain Unaffected By Riots

THE HOMESTEAD of homegrown sex crime accused former DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson’s home remains unbothered by an angry mob seeking justice and consumed by pyromania.

“Not even an empty packet of crisps on the roads surrounding the house, I can’t figure out why certain people didn’t feel the need to take to the streets here,” confirmed one observer on the scene.

The news comes after a third successive night of searches for brain cells in Ballymena came no nothing as mindless vandalism and rioting occurred in a supposed reaction to the alleged rape of a 14-year-old girl by two teenagers not believed to be originally from the area.

“The riots… it’s not just about the recent incident, this is about communities left behind, they’ve no facilities,” said one DUP representative, of locals who just set a leisure centre in Larne on fire.

“We’re doing what any other concerned people would do, we’re trying to find the addresses of all foreign born locals who have zero connection to the incident and burn them out of their homes. This is a logical response to a young person becoming a victim of a sex crime and in no way just an excuse to be incredibly racist,” explained one of the rioters.

However, not everyone was happy with the scenes that have unfolded in recent days.

“It’s an issue of integration, they’ve no idea how to integrate – they’ve had over 400 years since they came over from England and Scotland and they still can’t manage it, something has to be done,” confirmed one local not attending the riots.

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