AIB Begin Offering 100% Mortgages Again Seconds After Government Sell State’s Last Shares In Bank

“I THOUGHT IT was a scam but they wouldn’t take no for an answer,” shared single, part-time retail worker in the midlands Michael Dunne, explaining the relentless calls he is now receiving from AIB offering him a 100% mortgage.

Dunne isn’t the only one to receive a call, WWN can report that in the minutes after the government sold the State’s final holding in the bank bailed out by the taxpayer to the tune of €29bn, AIB is back to its old, bad habits.

“Don’t mind the Central Bank? More like the Central Wank. C’mere, you’d be mad not to get yourself a second mortgage for a little Dublin apartment investment. You don’t have to deposit? No worries,” confirmed an AIB mortgage manager over the phone to a toddler it was seeking to line up with some extensive debt.

Despite Minister for Finance Paschal Donohoe hailing the huge success of selling the final AIB shares that has the State’s profit from the bailout at minus €700mn plus interest, there are fears the once again private bank has learned little from the past.

“Look, I’m not saying your mates will be slagging you for not getting in on these Bulgarian apartments, but do you really want to be rocking up to the helicopter you’re getting to the Galway Races without at least three or four of those Bulgie bad boys in your portfolio?” a persuasive AIB employee said to a 23-year-old labourer.

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