Tag: northernireland

DUP Awarded For Services To A United Ireland

THE DEMOCRATIC Unionist Party has been recognised for its singular and lasting contribution to securing a United Ireland at an emotional ceremony in Derry earlier today, WWN can reveal. On a stage filled with prominent Republican dignitaries such as lads in Celtic jerseys, DUP leader Arlene Foster accepted the award on behalf of her party… Read more »

DUP Under Threat Of Being Aborted By Gay Marriage

DESPITE a House of Commons vote putting the legalisation of same-sex marriage and abortion in Northern Ireland a near certainty if power-sharing isn’t restored by October 21st, the DUP are taking the news surprisingly well. “This is all that gay cake’s fault,” fumed Arlene Foster, leader of a party that set Northern Ireland on this… Read more »

Loyalists Make Switch To Carbon Free Bonfires

LOYALISTS in Northern Ireland have pledged to make this year’s Orange Order celebrations a little more green, with the introduction of carbon-saving measures over the entire 12th of July festivities. “Each bonfire we burn every year contains about 10,000 pallets, contributing tonnes of CO2 to the atmosphere,” explained lodge leader Sammy Sammison, spearheading this year’s… Read more »

Irish Border Issue Steadfastly Refuses To Fuck Off

BREXITEERS have angrily expressed their frustration with the Northern Irish border, which has yet to ‘do the right thing’ and ‘fuck away off’, WWN can confirm. Heading into early July, historically a calm and reasonable time period in Northern Ireland, the issue with the border remains the foremost sticking point in the UK’s plans to be… Read more »

Everything You Need To Know About Saoradh

REPUBLICAN splinter group Saoradh has dominated headlines over the Easter weekend following the murder of a respected journalist at a violent demonstration in Derry, and a military-style march down Dublin’s O’Connell Street by members of the dissident organisation. As such, WWN have compiled this handy list of things you need to know about the group,… Read more »

Bloody Sunday Downgraded To ‘Dignified & Appropriate Sunday’

THE Conservative Party has succeeded in their motion to rename the 1972 massacre in Derry, formerly known as ‘Bloody Sunday’, following a party-wide agreement that Northern Secretary Karen Bradley’s ‘dignified and appropriate’ remark in the Commons yesterday has ‘a nice ring to it’. Although the 12-year Saville Inquiry found that the murders on that fateful… Read more »