Tag: northernireland

British Soldier Has No Idea He’ll Soon Be Screaming At Elderly Belfast Woman To ‘Get Out Of The Fucking Car’

A BRITISH SOLDIER from Swindon is reportedly completely unaware he will be pointing a gun at an elderly woman in Belfast in the near future, demanding she vacate her vehicle in the moments preceding a tragic incident that will forever remain in the minds of people in Northern Ireland, but not anyone from England, and which… Read more »

Johnson Announces £2.1bn Irish Reunification Funding

CASUALLY referred to by his government as a ‘£2.1 billion No Deal and hard border funding package’, the measures contained in Boris Johnson’s plans for Irish Reunification have been met with universal praise by those who advocate for a United Ireland. While the British media was busy confirming that communist Taoiseach Leo Varadkar was in… Read more »

DUP Awarded For Services To A United Ireland

THE DEMOCRATIC Unionist Party has been recognised for its singular and lasting contribution to securing a United Ireland at an emotional ceremony in Derry earlier today, WWN can reveal. On a stage filled with prominent Republican dignitaries such as lads in Celtic jerseys, DUP leader Arlene Foster accepted the award on behalf of her party… Read more »

DUP Under Threat Of Being Aborted By Gay Marriage

DESPITE a House of Commons vote putting the legalisation of same-sex marriage and abortion in Northern Ireland a near certainty if power-sharing isn’t restored by October 21st, the DUP are taking the news surprisingly well. “This is all that gay cake’s fault,” fumed Arlene Foster, leader of a party that set Northern Ireland on this… Read more »

Loyalists Make Switch To Carbon Free Bonfires

LOYALISTS in Northern Ireland have pledged to make this year’s Orange Order celebrations a little more green, with the introduction of carbon-saving measures over the entire 12th of July festivities. “Each bonfire we burn every year contains about 10,000 pallets, contributing tonnes of CO2 to the atmosphere,” explained lodge leader Sammy Sammison, spearheading this year’s… Read more »

Irish Border Issue Steadfastly Refuses To Fuck Off

BREXITEERS have angrily expressed their frustration with the Northern Irish border, which has yet to ‘do the right thing’ and ‘fuck away off’, WWN can confirm. Heading into early July, historically a calm and reasonable time period in Northern Ireland, the issue with the border remains the foremost sticking point in the UK’s plans to be… Read more »