THE HOTTEST ticket on the island of Ireland in the wake of the legalisation of same-sex marriage and abortion in Northern Ireland is for a place in the queue to see the look on Arlene Foster’s face, WWN can reveal.
With packed queues tailing back for 10 miles, Foster’s mug along with those of her DUP colleagues are for once in their political careers in high demand and a welcome sight, however, such is the demand that tickets are now rumoured to be selling for 5-figure sums.
Securing a ticket may be pricey, but even after laying claim to one, people on the island of Ireland still face some hurdles before locking eyes with the sourest of pusses as it struggles to come to terms with living in a more welcoming, caring and empathic Northern Ireland.
“When the legal reforms came into the effect, the DUP raced to their specially built gay marriage, abortion-proof bunker 500 metres below Belfast,” explained a source, “you can only peer in through the emergency hatch window but it’s safe to say; they’re not taking it well as their faces now resemble a British bulldog licking piss off a nettle”.
If you are considering joining the queue to see the look on Arlene Foster’s face, time is running out as it is believed she, along with her party colleagues, will be moving to Saudi Arabia in the coming days in order to live somewhere more fitting with her beliefs.