ALTHOUGH the vast majority of the Irish population have taken the DUP’s tumultuous past couple of weeks as cause for riotous celebration and endless laughter, WWN has tracked down one Waterford native who is currently the only Irish person adopting an ‘ah you’re have to feel sorry for them’ stance on the party’s ongoing woes. With… Read more »
THE HOTTEST ticket on the island of Ireland in the wake of the legalisation of same-sex marriage and abortion in Northern Ireland is for a place in the queue to see the look on Arlene Foster’s face, WWN can reveal. With packed queues tailing back for 10 miles, Foster’s mug along with those of her… Read more »
A BRITISH SOLDIER from Swindon is reportedly completely unaware he will be pointing a gun at an elderly woman in Belfast in the near future, demanding she vacate her vehicle in the moments preceding a tragic incident that will forever remain in the minds of people in Northern Ireland, but not anyone from England, and which… Read more »
A NEW poll taken in Northern Ireland has shown that the majority of people living in the North and in surrounding border counties are okay with not being shot, blown up, burned or otherwise harmed, and show no desire to invite any such hassles upon themselves. The results come at the worst possible time for… Read more »
CASUALLY referred to by his government as a ‘£2.1 billion No Deal and hard border funding package’, the measures contained in Boris Johnson’s plans for Irish Reunification have been met with universal praise by those who advocate for a United Ireland. While the British media was busy confirming that communist Taoiseach Leo Varadkar was in… Read more »
A LOCAL ardent Unionist is revealed to have built such an impressive bonfire that he is just one more pallet away from defeating the scourge that is Catholicism in Northern Ireland and being awarded a Blue Peter badge by the Queen herself. WWN caught up with an excitable Malcolm Crozier (24) as he put the… Read more »
THE DEMOCRATIC Unionist Party has been recognised for its singular and lasting contribution to securing a United Ireland at an emotional ceremony in Derry earlier today, WWN can reveal. On a stage filled with prominent Republican dignitaries such as lads in Celtic jerseys, DUP leader Arlene Foster accepted the award on behalf of her party… Read more »
DESPITE a House of Commons vote putting the legalisation of same-sex marriage and abortion in Northern Ireland a near certainty if power-sharing isn’t restored by October 21st, the DUP are taking the news surprisingly well. “This is all that gay cake’s fault,” fumed Arlene Foster, leader of a party that set Northern Ireland on this… Read more »
LOYALISTS in Northern Ireland have pledged to make this year’s Orange Order celebrations a little more green, with the introduction of carbon-saving measures over the entire 12th of July festivities. “Each bonfire we burn every year contains about 10,000 pallets, contributing tonnes of CO2 to the atmosphere,” explained lodge leader Sammy Sammison, spearheading this year’s… Read more »
BREXITEERS have angrily expressed their frustration with the Northern Irish border, which has yet to ‘do the right thing’ and ‘fuck away off’, WWN can confirm. Heading into early July, historically a calm and reasonable time period in Northern Ireland, the issue with the border remains the foremost sticking point in the UK’s plans to be… Read more »