AS THE CITY of Derry marked the funeral of John Hume yesterday and amidst the outpouring of emotion and gratitude felt by millions towards the Nobel laureate, both Sinn Féin and the DUP pledged unconvincingly to embody Hume’s legacy and truly capitalise on the anti-sectarian future he made possible. Achievements unmatched by any living Irish… Read more »
CERTAIN sections of Irish society have weighed up the senseless horror, death and economic vandalism wrought by the Covid-19 pandemic across the globe and concluded that it has been worth it after learning of the cancellation of the July 12th Orange Order marches. Roused out of their depressed stupors, people have reportedly smiled and laughed… Read more »
ALTHOUGH a new government has yet to be formed from the aftermath of GE2020, a freshly-invigorated and triumphant Sinn Féin have already begun to lay the groundwork for a Unity Referendum; an all-island poll to gauge the desire to finally reunite Northern Ireland with the Republic, a question that has been brewing in the four… Read more »
DUP leader Arlene Foster has taken to drinking Gaviscon straight out of the bottle this week, following a series of events that have caused her party ‘nothing but grief’, including the stunning general election performance of Sinn Féin in the Republic. Crucified with the heartburn and getting by on less than three hours sleep a… Read more »
NORTHERN Ireland has finally welcomed back the NI Executive following a three year hiatus, with politicians and citizens on both sides of the political divide agreeing to smother their true feelings with a blanket knitted from pure solid anger, WWN can confirm. Both Sinn Féin’s Michelle O’Neill and the DUP’s Arlene Foster, the new executive’s… Read more »
IT’S all change in the world of Northern Irish politics, as the DUP have announced that they are willing to get back into talks to restore the NI Executive, having recovered form last year’s horrific under-bus mangling that they suffered during Brexit negotiations. Having seemingly turned over a new leaf, the DUP released a comprehensive… Read more »
DISASTER specialists who previously worked to prevent total nuclear meltdown on the stricken Fukushima nuclear plant have been shipped over to Belfast today, to see if they can stave off the complete implosion of the Democratic Unionist Party. With unionist parties now in a minority in Northern Ireland for the first time following last week’s… Read more »
ALTHOUGH the vast majority of the Irish population have taken the DUP’s tumultuous past couple of weeks as cause for riotous celebration and endless laughter, WWN has tracked down one Waterford native who is currently the only Irish person adopting an ‘ah you’re have to feel sorry for them’ stance on the party’s ongoing woes. With… Read more »
THE HOTTEST ticket on the island of Ireland in the wake of the legalisation of same-sex marriage and abortion in Northern Ireland is for a place in the queue to see the look on Arlene Foster’s face, WWN can reveal. With packed queues tailing back for 10 miles, Foster’s mug along with those of her… Read more »
A BRITISH SOLDIER from Swindon is reportedly completely unaware he will be pointing a gun at an elderly woman in Belfast in the near future, demanding she vacate her vehicle in the moments preceding a tragic incident that will forever remain in the minds of people in Northern Ireland, but not anyone from England, and which… Read more »