Category: BREAKING NEWS


2017 Behaving Itself So Far

ALTHOUGH 2017 has claimed a number of high-profile celebrities such as John Hurt and Bill Paxton, a team of statisticians has declared that in comparison with 2016, this year has thus far ‘behaved itself’. 2016 was renowned for its celebrity death toll, killing everyone from David Bowie to Prince while taking time to end the… Read more »

US Executioner Delighted With Bit Of Overtime

AN Arkansas executioner has expressed great delight at the time-and-a-half boost to his wages he has been receiving lately, thanks to a recent uptick in state-appointed killings of death row inmates. Charles Harrison, 45, admits that the day is long enough without having to put in overtime as well, but the extra money that hits… Read more »

Well That’s Just Fucking Marvelous, Says Foetus

“WELL, that’s me fucked isn’t it,” sobbed a Waterford foetus this morning, upon hearing that the Citizens Assembly has voted to recommend changing Ireland’s strict anti-abortion policy, with a referendum on the subject all but guaranteed at this stage. “Unrestricted access to abortion up to a gestational age of 12 weeks? I may as well… Read more »