“Yeah But GDP” Minister For Finance Responds To Report Of Under 30s’ Low Mental Wellbeing

REASSURING the 92% of participants in a recent National Youth Council of Ireland (NYCI) study who reported low mental wellbeing while citing a number of factors including the housing situation, the Minister of Finance has confirmed “yeah but just look at that GDP”.

The uplifting message from Fianna Fáil’s Michael McGrath will have connected with the 19-to-29-year-olds who took part in the study, even though one in five of them report regularly having to skip meals due to money issues.

“That record tax take though,” countered newly installed Taoiseach Simon Harris, reminding young people that things can’t be that bad as presumably all young people like him are on a salary of €230,000 plus expenses at age 37.

While straight-talking politicians with their finger on the pulse usually simply tell young people to wait until the well-off, property owning parents everyone has die off to use the inheritance to continue the cycle of enriching oneself through inflated housing prices, the coalition government have been praised for the novel approach of just repeating ‘positive economic indicators’ to every criticism.

“This Barbie is celebrating record employment,” Junior Minister for Trade & Enterprise Emer Higgins said, affording some emigrating nurses and teachers priced out of a life in Dublin a bit of cheerful news.