New Red Light Cameras Won’t Work On Judges, Politicians, Off-Duty Guards & GAA Players

A CHILL may have traveled down the spine of every responsible driver across Ireland who routinely breaks red lights when Minister for Transport Eamon Ryan confirmed red light cameras which issue automatic fines will be installed nationwide next year, however, much needed reassurances have been be given to a number of people.

“As is custom with road traffic offences which carry penalty points and fines, the usual cohort of important people will be exempt,” confirmed a government spokesperson for half-arsed implementation of regulations.

It was feared that such brazen attempts to punish the perfectly ‘grand’ variety of irresponsible driving habits could unintentionally affect people who are too important to be treated like another member of the public.

“I nearly dropped my phone I was live-streaming on Tiktok with when I heard the news as I was bombing down the M7,” confirmed one Irish judge, who was relieved to have the traditional guarantee that a nod and a wink arrangement will be in place for certain groups.

While the red light cameras will operate as normal for regular drivers the nation’s judges, politicians, off-duty guards and GAA players will have their licence plates fitted with a QR code the red light cameras will automatically recognise.

“And yeah, up pops ‘Not A Pleb’ and then we don’t issue the fine,” confirmed one system operator, “but don’t worry if the QR code yoke doesn’t work, the camera software has been trained on thousands of hours of Garda traffic stops so it’s automatically able register that air of self-importance and arrogance that gets you a let off”.