Tag: royal family

Prince Andrew’s 14th PR Team Of The Morning Resign

TRUCK loads of image consultants, PR specialists, crisis management experts, and branding professionals were seen running from Prince Andrew’s residence in the minutes after he confirmed his legal team would be pursuing the ‘that sexual abuse victim can’t take me to court because of the settlement she has with my dead paedophile friend’ defence. The… Read more »

Prince Andrew Consults Mystical Palace Hag For Advice

THE ROYAL family’s personal witch priestess of the woods has warned Prince Andrew not to say or do anything that would incriminate himself ahead of an upcoming sexual assault investigation, while adding that slaying a stallion foal under moonlight before the Autumn equinox ‘wouldn’t hurt’ either. “Dame Hassara de Valentina Muerta hasn’t given an English… Read more »

Meghan Markle Kisses Old Life Goodbye With Traditional Family Execution

SHUDDERING with every gunshot from the Royal guard’s 19th century muskets, soon-to-be princess Meghan Markle watched on as lead pummeled through the bodies of her once immediate family, gasping at every blood curdling thud. “Please don’t be worried, sweetie, we’re doing this for you,” father Tom smiles, his water-filled eyes winsing as his guard took aim, “best not watch now, go on,… Read more »

Gingers Warned Not To Get Any Big Ideas

THE GLOBAL ginger community has been officially warned today not to get any big ideas after it was announced that American actor Meghan Markle is to wed ginger and royal, Prince Harry, in spring 2018 at Kensington Palace. A joint statement released by the British government and Buckingham Palace urged people with red hair to not get their hopes up… Read more »