Category: LOCAL NEWS

“Sure If It Isn’t Himself” – Still Acceptable To Use If You Haven’t Seen Person For 40 Years

EMOTIONALLY stunted people everywhere have been reassured that they are under no obligation to tightly grip long lost siblings or thought-to-be-dead friends in a passionate embrace soaked in tears, as directed by the Council of Irish Emotions. Aware some people have grown fearful of the recent trend towards being emotionally open and sharing feelings, the… Read more »

New Education Minister Barra Finally Closes Schools

“I UNDERSTAND it’s a major inconvenience to parents, it’s short notice and it’s yet another interruption to childrens’ education but c’mon let’s not ignore the Covid-shaped elephant in the room anywhere,” began new Minister for Education Barra, taking decisive action in attempt to undo incomprehensible aspects of Covid strategy pursued in recent months in the… Read more »

Storm Barra ‘Welcome Change’ To Recent Bad News

THE battering of the west coast by Storm Barra has been met with praise by journalists across the country, who had grown weary of constant stories about Covid, new variants, restrictions and all that jazz. “Power outages! Oh, how I’ve prayed for power outages!” said one of our fellow members of the Irish Brotherhood Of… Read more »

Anti-Stormers Sick Of NSHET Telling Them What To Do

“SLOW DOWN and watch out for fallen debris? I’m sick of them talking to us like we’re children,” said one fed up anti-stormer as they drove along a coastal road in an act of patriotic, freedom loving defiance. “Met Éireann and NSHET are in the pocket of Big Weather”. It’s a pattern repeating itself around… Read more »

“Didn’t Have To Show Anything. Nothing, Zilch,” Reports Man Passing Through Dublin Airport

DESPITE new requirements for inbound flights into Dublin taking effect today, local man returning from holiday Anthony Roundtree can report exclusively that he was asked for absolutely nothing by various airline and airport authorities. “No, not even the cert. Not a word of a lie,” a flabbergasted Roundtree shared, raising his eyebrows skyward several times… Read more »