Category: LOCAL NEWS

Lisa Smith To Be Returned To War-Torn Hell Hole

WHILE the Irish Defence Forces are today planning a mission to extradite ‘ISIS bride’ Lisa Smith from the Turkey/ Syria border, a more elite and specialised Defence Forces team are working out how to get her back to her highly dangerous town of Dundalk, Co. Louth. A spokesperson for the IDF has confirmed that while… Read more »

Lady Doctor Going To Lose It If She’s Called ‘Lady Doctor’ One More Time

AS IF working non-stop in one of Ireland’s overcrowded and under-resourced accident and emergency departments weren’t stressful enough, Dr. Joanne Skelly has vowed to lose her temper and ‘go off on one’ if she is disparagingly referred to as a ‘lady doctor’ one more time. Lady doctor Skelly regularly treats an endless stream of patients,… Read more »

The Harmless Rise Of The Far Right In Ireland

SOME keen-eyed observers of politics, news and current events in Ireland mistakenly think they have noticed some worrying trends throughout the country in regards to shameless and unabashed xenophobia. However, experts in such things have confirmed that the rise of the Far Right in Ireland, no matter how obvious to some, isn’t actually happening and… Read more »

Neighbours With Elaborate Halloween Decorations Think They’re American Or Something

AN EMERGENCY meeting of the Beechwood estate residents association has called for immediate action over one family’s insistence in decorating the outside of their house in elaborate and over the top Halloween decorations, like they’re American or something, living in America. The Moores, who reside in no. 35 with the blue garage door and the… Read more »

Britain Granted Extension To Neverending Nightmare That Sucks The Marrow From The Bone, Blocks Out The Sun, Steals Joy From Everything

NEWS that Britain has made a promise to finally have ‘its shit together’ by the later date of January 31st 2020 has been greeted with defeated looks by everyone affected by Brexit as they weep at the mere thought of having to contemplate this interminable torture for even one more life-sapping second. “The extension is… Read more »

Considerate Fly Tipper Separates Rubbish Into ‘Recycling’ And ‘General Waste’ Piles

“ILLEGAL dumping was in danger of getting a bad name for itself unless we changed our ways,” said notorious Waterford fly-tipper Ian Heelan, while studiously separating his rubbish into ‘General Waste’, ‘Organic/Compostable’ and ‘Recycling’ piles ahead of a dumping session. “We had to move with the times, or else we’d look like we just didn’t… Read more »

The Story Of Fanta Claws

SINCE the beginning of time brands have been coming up with clever and creative ways to engage with their customers on an emotional level, some using characters like 7up’s Fido Dido, Nestle’s M&M guys and of course, who could forget Ireland’s infamous Saint Patrick character who helped sell billions of cheap Irish merchandise over the… Read more »