WHILE the Irish Defence Forces are today planning a mission to extradite ‘ISIS bride’ Lisa Smith from the Turkey/ Syria border, a more elite and specialised Defence Forces team are working out how to get her back to her highly dangerous town of Dundalk, Co. Louth. A spokesperson for the IDF has confirmed that while… Read more »
ONE LOCAL single woman in her 30s is on the verge of giving up on the dating scene in Ireland owing to the grim and dwindling supply of suitable suitors. 31-year-old Sarah O’Loughlin, single for 2 years 6 months and 3 weeks but who’s counting, is reportedly down to the absolute dregs when it comes… Read more »
FOLLOWING the glee with which some sections of Ireland celebrated the news that 13 female asylum seekers would not be temporarily housed in an Achill hotel due to overcrowding in a broken Direct Provision system, Ireland has made the decision to switch its official tagline from the land of a hundred thousand welcomes to ‘The… Read more »
AS IF working non-stop in one of Ireland’s overcrowded and under-resourced accident and emergency departments weren’t stressful enough, Dr. Joanne Skelly has vowed to lose her temper and ‘go off on one’ if she is disparagingly referred to as a ‘lady doctor’ one more time. Lady doctor Skelly regularly treats an endless stream of patients,… Read more »
CURRENT Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has ruled out a pre-Christmas general election, stating that he ‘didn’t feel it was right’ to send Ireland to the polls just now, and also adding that he ‘just didn’t want to, and go piss up a flagpole if you disagree’. Varadkar went on to state that May 2020 was his… Read more »
SOME keen-eyed observers of politics, news and current events in Ireland mistakenly think they have noticed some worrying trends throughout the country in regards to shameless and unabashed xenophobia. However, experts in such things have confirmed that the rise of the Far Right in Ireland, no matter how obvious to some, isn’t actually happening and… Read more »
AN EMERGENCY meeting of the Beechwood estate residents association has called for immediate action over one family’s insistence in decorating the outside of their house in elaborate and over the top Halloween decorations, like they’re American or something, living in America. The Moores, who reside in no. 35 with the blue garage door and the… Read more »
NEWS that Britain has made a promise to finally have ‘its shit together’ by the later date of January 31st 2020 has been greeted with defeated looks by everyone affected by Brexit as they weep at the mere thought of having to contemplate this interminable torture for even one more life-sapping second. “The extension is… Read more »
“ILLEGAL dumping was in danger of getting a bad name for itself unless we changed our ways,” said notorious Waterford fly-tipper Ian Heelan, while studiously separating his rubbish into ‘General Waste’, ‘Organic/Compostable’ and ‘Recycling’ piles ahead of a dumping session. “We had to move with the times, or else we’d look like we just didn’t… Read more »
SINCE the beginning of time brands have been coming up with clever and creative ways to engage with their customers on an emotional level, some using characters like 7up’s Fido Dido, Nestle’s M&M guys and of course, who could forget Ireland’s infamous Saint Patrick character who helped sell billions of cheap Irish merchandise over the… Read more »
