CONCERNED about Coronavirus? Maybe you shouldn’t be; new research by a Waterford man suggests that the majority of the country may have ‘already had’ the dreaded virus, and as such they’re now 100% fine and worried about nothing. Garreth Hanlon, who has confirmed that he survived a ‘bad dose’ of the Coronavirus back in November… Read more »
AT A TIME when people are driven to the point of insanity as a result of being cooped up at home with their family, one local weirdo is eternally grateful and wearing a serene expression, thankful for the time they are sharing with their kin. While others frantically scour their cramped homes for the sole… Read more »
THE Irish seagull community has called for emergency chips to be delivered to seaside resorts across the country amid dwindling footfall figures as a direct result of the Covid-19 lockdown. Not used to foraging for food naturally using their basic instincts, the Westernised gulls likened the current climate to a ‘famine’, stating that humans will… Read more »
THE MORE LENIENT approach is said to be an extreme sign of how unprecedented the times we are currently living in truly are, with Waterford man Daniel Hannity the welcome recipient of the new, more understanding social welfare regime. “Sound, how kind,” confirmed the newly unemployed Hannity, in a tone that suggested he thought it… Read more »
IN heartwarming scenes across the country, the nation’s elderly population are still finding ways to embarrass their children and grandchildren by finding new ways to drop racially-insensitive comments and outright bigotry into casual conversation, WWN can confirm. In Carlow, cocooned couple Martha and Edward Harris managed to make their visiting grandkids visibly squirm by holding… Read more »
THE FINE GAEL caretaker government has been praised for fast-tracking the Covid-19 pandemic into the position of Minister for Housing, in a grown up move that set aside the usual political infighting and sniping. Ireland, bizarrely left without a housing minister since 2017, has rewarded Covid-19’s selfless ingenuity and diligent hard work behind the scenes,… Read more »
A TEAM of scientists has confirmed that the sun seems to be taking the absolute fucking piss with its latest spell of clement weather and have asked the general public to not pay it any attention, WWN can confirm. Spitefully making its appearance for the past few weeks during a nationwide lockdown to curb the… Read more »
THE family of Mossey Burns are said to be in a state of shock today after the father of children was found suffocated to death in his kitchen after a freak accident caused by a bag full of bags under the sink. An alarm was raised at approximately 21:30 last night by a concerned neighbour who… Read more »
IN the coming days, a Coronavirus booklet issued by the government will be delivered to every house in the country, marking the first mass-mail operation launched by the state since the Iodine tablets of 2002, and the vials of Holy Water distributed when Playboy first went on sale in the mid-90s. Contained within the booklet… Read more »
