WHILE Ireland’s future as a turf-producing nation continues to be a source of bitter debate in Leinster House, survivors of another peat-based scandal fear that their stories will never be told, and the crimes carried out against them will never be punished. “People ask me is I remember footing turf as a child and I… Read more »
LONG-TIME patron of McKinerney’s bar in Waterford has somehow got it into his head that he owns the pub, regularly demanded things like he was sitting in his own living room, WWN has learned. Paddy Mockler, who spends 2-3 hours every afternoon drinking the cheapest draft stout in the bar, once again demanded the bar… Read more »
IRELAND’S drug problem among the youth can only be tackled by the scariest ‘scared-straight’ programme of all time, according to a new government report on the worsening crisis. “We’re hearing about kids that have only started secondary school being exposed to heroin. We’re seeing dealers walking up to people’s doors selling drugs. We’re seeing cocaine… Read more »
WATERFORD contrarian Ian McManning is considering joining a public demonstration in support of the Russian invasion of Ukraine in Dublin later this month, in a testament to how far he’ll go to support anything that people are against, WWN can confirm. “This will be breaking new ground for me, I’ll admit that,” said 37-year-old McManning,… Read more »
THERE IS growing evidence that America is mobilising military forces off its own coasts in a bid to rescue its citizens from America. The news comes as the Supreme Court, once viewed an independent institution free from political interference, issued a leaked opinion which would see abortion outlawed overnight, undoing 50 years of progress and… Read more »
CONFUSION has broken out at a project tasked with collecting memories of Dublin tenement lifestyles from those who experienced them firsthand after a number of submissions seem to relate to life in the city at this very minute instead. “You see here, we have a handwritten note talking about living 9 to a room, barely… Read more »
“SORRY to impose on the government while it’s in the middle of building a maternity hospital with taxpayer’s money on church land it hasn’t even bothering fucking purchasing but,” began local incensed woman Grainne Kerslan. The Waterford native apologised for her idiot petite lady brain because, despite reading yet again that the publicly funded hospital… Read more »
A DEMONIC bicycle-wielding Eamon Ryan with data centres for eyes is on a rural ransacking rampage in Ireland, if reports from the vivid nightmares of some rural TDs are to be believed. “He’s shooting quinoa lasers from his eyes, watch yourself. Oh Christ he has yoga mats for fingers aaaah,” screamed those fleeing Ryan, whose… Read more »
LOOKING to make some quick money, no questions asked? No, don’t meet us in an alleyway round back, simply give the Irish government a call. As the State is taking in thousands of desperate Ukrainian refugees fleeing war, you can take in some easy money which is fleeing the bank accounts of multiple departments of… Read more »
THE end-of-school bell in the majority of Irish primary schools is to be replaced by a recording of Bruce Buffer delivering his signature ‘let’s get ready to rumble’ catchphrase, to let parents on pick-up duty know that it’s time to start really busting some heads. “It’s only fair that all parents know that they’re engaged… Read more »
