Man Actually Has Alcohol Free Explanation For Why He Vomited Everywhere Last Night

DETERMINED to put an end to the insults and jeering by his friends over his drinking performance last weekend, local student Alan Fannon has a perfectly acceptable pint-free reason he projectile vomited over the counter of a local take away, WWN can reveal.

“Aha, ha, ha, very funny lads in fairness but seriously,” a clearly pissed off Fannon said at the beginning of a series of voice notes sent into the group chat in which he corrected the misconceptions over his vomiting and accusation he takes on liquid about as well as a sinking ship.

“It’s not even a ‘bad pint’ excuse, it’s genuinely fascinating guys here me out,” attempted Fannon, battling a PR war that has seen his 10-pint evening be portrayed as something embarrassing when there was a perfectly good reason why the lads should stop trying to make the nickname ‘Fannon The Vomit Cannon’ stick.

“I read somewhere that in historically wet climates like Waterford, an airborne enzyme that causes sudden nausea and vomiting can be highly prevalent, so it just categorically has nothing to do with how many pints I may or may have consumed, something was literally in the air that night,” Fannon said, forging an explanation that no one was buying.

Fannon’s research on the topic is expected to be spread far and wide among the can’t handle their drink portion of the population.

“So essentially, slagging me over something out of my control, that is specific to Waterford and even Ireland as a whole, is a sort of anti-Irish ignorance I’d expect from maybe some English lads but not you bucks,” continued Fannon The Vomit Cannon, convincing precisely no one.

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