Ryanair Replaces Boarding Stairs With Rope Ladder In Latest Cost Cutting Move

DESPITE reporting bumper profits of €2.54 billion for the six months ending in September – a 42% increase on last year – Ryanair has announced it will be removing its onboard boarding stairs and replacing them with rope ladders instead.

“We don’t use traditional airstairs as they cost too much,” CEO Michael O’Leary explained. “So we built our own metal ones. Then I said, fuck it, why not go one further and replace them altogether with a good old-fashioned rope version at a fraction of the price.”

The announcement comes as the airline confirmed it will also ditch paper boarding passes from today, enforcing a digital-only rule that Age Action warned will result in a decade of elderly passengers calling their children in panic at airport gates.

“Oh, your phone died because our flight was delayed by three hours? That’s a shame now – you’ll have to get another flight, won’t you, pet?” read a Ryanair training manual script obtained by WWN from a cabin crew source.

Pressed on passenger concerns, O’Leary clarified there will of course be Ryanair charging stations available, at €400 per phone charge.