Waterford Retirement Village Has Highest Rate Of Syphilis In The World

A BUNMAHON retirement village has secured top spot on the world’s STI tables after 100% of residents in an age-friendly housing development all tested positive for syphilis.

Outperforming a 1980s era porno shoot in the Hollywood Hills, the high prevalence of syphilis has seen an emergency health team dispatched to the village which is home to residents between the ages of 71 and 93.

“Some of them are taking the news as well as a veteran at a pub toilet glory hole takes… well you get it, it’s not exactly come as a shock. It’s a hot bed of horny widows and widowers,” one HSE sexual health official told WWN.

With 47 residents of Golden Oaks, known locally as Golden Showers, testing positive for the sexually transmitting infection an investigation is underway to identify the person who is the origin of the infection outbreak.

“Fidelma, one of our residents, she’s not happy. She said all orgies require up to date health screenings so someone was fibbing. There’s a lot of finger pointing going on but as I told them all it’s probably finger pointing that got them in this mess in the first place,” one district nurse shared.

“Obviously syphilis is no laughing matter and when gone untreated it can lead to blindness, we thought Padraig in no.12 had gone blind from it, but it turns out in was in the firing line during a bukkake and it’s nothing a few eye drops won’t sort out,” added the nurse, who has called the more to be done to educate retirees on the downsides to orgies.

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