Irish Hen Parties Rise Three Places On International List Of Terror Organisations


THERE HAS been muted, even disappointed reactions within Irish hen circles after a joint FBI and Interpol terror watch list only ranked Irish bridal parties on-the-rip as the 9th most deadly terrorist fighting force in the world.

“Look it’s not the result we were hoping for, we’re disappointed. We get that the judges don’t traditionally count hen parties so even to get into the top 10 we’re punching above our weight I suppose, just like Siobhan did in Salou when she floored that fat English cow in that restaurant haha,” shared Irish woman, Shannon Lonegan, a veteran of 17 hens.

For a number of years, causing havoc abroad was considered just a ‘male pursuit’ with Irish stags across European cities and Las Vegas causing PTSD in all those unfortunate enough to encounter them. However, in recent years Irish hen parties have ventured further and further afield, causing the blood to run cold in anyone working in the service industries.

“They always bill their piss ups as ‘super chill and relaxing’ but no matter what way they dress it up, no matter the spa location or yoga retreat, they inevitably get more fucked up than Conor McGregor at a christening,” confirmed one Portuguese vineyard employee, who lost an eye after telling a hen party they don’t do free refills, nor do they stock ’10 litre bottles of mega-wine’.

For some making the terror list is the start something special.

“For too long Irish women were told recording yourself getting a lap dance in Amsterdam and accidentally sending it to your partner was just for men, but I hope we’ve done our part in showing young girls you too can end up on the front of the Sunday World in a headline like ‘Hacketstown Hen Arrested For Biting Dutch Policeman’s Ear Off’,” shared one Carlow bridesmaid.