Big Macs Safe To Eat Today Due To Low Meat Content

CATHOLICS adhering to the fasting and abstinence rules of Good Friday were issued a reprieve today, after the Vatican issued a statement declaring that McDonalds burgers were still on the menu due to their low meat content. “We listen to the prayers and opinions of our flock every year” said Spanish cleric Monsignor ‘Special’ Francis… Read more »

Ukraine ‘All Better Now’ As Warring Factions Split Gas And Oil Profits Amongst Themselves

UKRAINE is “all better” today after a surprise deal was met by the US,EU and Russia over gas and oil profits which run directly through the gateway state. The announcement comes just weeks after civil unrest ousted the country’s premiere Viktor Yanukovich from office in a media fueled standoff between pro-European and pro-Russian sympathisers. It… Read more »

Calls For Death Penalty To Be Temporarily Reintroduced For Anglo Banker Sentencing

THE NATION has called on the government today to temporarily reintroduce the death penalty for the sentencing of convicted Anglo Irish bankers Pat Whelan and William McAteer. Yesterday the two former directors of Anglo Irish Bank were found guilty of hatching a multi-million euro loans-for-shares plot months before the bank’s collapse, crippling the entire nation… Read more »

Woman Makes Sure Everyone Knows She Went To Gym

‘OMG! so wrecked forever from the gym! x’ is what Clonmel residents reported the banner tied to the back of a plane flying over the town displayed yesterday evening. WWN can now confirm that the plane was hired by Clonmel resident Amy O’ Keeffe, who wanted to ensure that the town was aware of her… Read more »

Local Lad Stockpiles Cans Ahead Of Good Friday

MANAGER of Cashman’s Off License in Waterford Gary Cashman was stunned today as his stock of cans was depleted by local lad Diarmuid ‘Dingo’ Walsh in a matter of minutes. Mr. Cashman spoke to WWN about his shock at selling Mr. Walsh 9 slabs of Blonderbräu and 9 slabs of Druids all at once. The… Read more »