‘Stick It In Slow’: We Meet The Growing Group Of Vaccine Fetishists

“WAS that as good for you as it was for me?” sighed Waterford vaccine fetishist Ian O’Tanner, lighting a cigarette as he walked away from the vaccination centre where he just received his third jab.

O’Tanner is just one of a growing group of people who have not only embraced the rollout of booster shots, but have developed a highly sexualised reaction to the process.

As such, reports that Ireland is to reduce the window between second and third doses to just three months has been greatly welcomed by O’Tanner and his group of fellow weirdos.

“We hear reports that the ‘living with Covid’ plan involves yearly booster jabs and we just get all weak at the knees” said the 36-year-old, who has no underlying conditions and as such has to wait for his jab for an agonisingly sensual amount of time.

“Just the idea of going to the vaccination place, slowly rolling up our sleeves, feeling that needle sink into our arms, getting a sticker or a badge to snap and put on social media… and then getting two days off work whether or not you’ve had any adverse reactions or not because it’s not something your boss can really argue with. God, I’d love to be getting jabbed right now. Stick me with anything. A flu shot, vitamin B12, anything, just pierce me with that phallic needle baby”.

The vaccine fetish movement has been criticised by the anti-vax movement, who themselves are preaching about total abstinence from vaccinations, and sex in general.