Varadkar Becomes 1st Openly Gay Taoiseach To Meet Lunatic President


LEO Varadkar will enter the history books yet again tomorrow, after he becomes the first openly gay Taoiseach to meet with a US president who has been described by many as ‘dangerously unhinged’, ‘psychotic’, ‘a right-wing monster’, and ‘a total fucking lunatic who will doom us all to death in nuclear fire’.

During his first St. Patrick’s Week visit to the United States since becoming Ireland’s first openly gay Taoiseach, Varadkar will meet with Donald Trump today for their first bilateral meeting, which Trump had initially refused to attend until an aide assured him that ‘bilateral’ didn’t mean that ‘the gay Irish guy’ was going to try anything funny.

Brushing aside the fact that Trump has based his presidency on aligning with extreme right-wing groups, blatant misogyny, calling for the deportation of brown-skinned men, women and children from the US, drumming up suspicion and hatred of the press and impinging the rights of gay people, Leo Varadkar was heroically able to overlook all these things and ‘not rock the boat’ when it comes to keeping America on Ireland’s side.

“As we all know, Leo is a fan of Love, Actually, so we were a bit worried that he’d go all Hugh Grant and give the US president a bit of a telling off for being a bully,” said an aide close to the Taoiseach.

“But fortunately, Leo proved his political toughness and can-do attitude by not mentioning Trump’s ban of transgender people in the military, the unjust war on immigrants, or even the use of Shannon Airport as a piss-stop for US soldiers. That’s what Ireland needs in a leader, someone who can smile and pose for photos with a person many believe to be the most despicable US president in living memory, even though that same president holds many of the bigoted opinions that Leo would have had to battle against his whole life. Some Taoiseach, that Varadkar. Smiled the whole time”.

Meanwhile, vice president Mike Pence has been told that it’s safe to come out from behind the sofa now that the gay man is gone.