Lidl Install Security Walls Around Shops As Snow Predicted
AN UNPRECEDENTED level of construction is currently taking place at Lidl stores across the country as Met Éireann weather reports have confirmed the potential return of snow in the coming days.
With 189 of Lidl’s 190 Irish shops still in operation, the retailer has begun construction of large JCB-proof security walls which will inhibit anyone attempting to do their weekly shop in a vehicle normally reserved for use around a farm or on a building site.
“With the arrival of snow, we believe some people can become afflicted with something called ‘snow madness’ and the walls are merely a way to lessen the impact of such rampant insanity on the supporting walls of the shop structures,” explained one security contractor engaged in the construction of 20 feet high walls.
Normal, conventional shopping will be unaffected by the security walls as people are free to purchase whatever items they happen upon in the middle aisle of their local Lidl which recently included a catapult, stilts for your cat, a submarine, dental floss for giraffes, and an actual Ferrari F1 racing car.
“We cannot stress enough that for the average shopper nothing has changed, but if you were thinking with the return of the snow, you might need to aim a JCB for the entrance of your local Lidl – that’s where the walls come into play,” added the security contractor as he placed the final brick on the wall outside the Lidl on the Dunmore Road, which can reportedly also withstand a thermonuclear blast.
In unrelated news the Nation’s digger owners have begun securing their diggers with various locks and chains, ahead of the impending snow forecast for the weekend.