Category: WORLD NEWS

Iggy Pop Turns 70, Somehow

SCIENTISTS and medical practitioners around the world are today expressing bafflement and confusion at the news that hard-living rock legend Iggy Pop has somehow reached the age of 70. Pop, born Ignert Poppertin on April 21st 1947, has been in the public eye since his breakthrough as frontman for legendary hellraisers The Stooges followed by… Read more »

Marine Le Pen Praises Allah For Attack In Paris

NATIONAL FRONT leader and French presidential candidate Marine Le Pen turned towards Mecca to praise Allah following news of a terrorist attack carried out by a man known to police in Paris which resulted in the death of one police officer. “Perfect timing,” Le Pen remarked in a quiet, gleeful moment to herself when she… Read more »

“This Is How You Politics, Bitches!”

BRITISH Prime Minister Theresa May has called out fellow political leaders today after announcing a snap election in a bid to give her more power when it comes to dealing with Europe, insisting that “this is how you politics, bitches!” Speaking outside number 10 Downing Street yesterday morning, the Conservative party leader said she decided to call the surprise election… Read more »

Relief As Everybody Stops Kung-Fu Fighting

FRESH hopes for peace have blossomed in the greater funky Chinatown area, after a decades-long, incredibly frightening kung-fu battle finally came to an end. The battle, in which everybody took part, has been taking place since 1974 and was the subject of a popular song by Carl Douglas in the same year. Described by eye-witnesses… Read more »

North Korea Unveil Stealth Bomber

STANDING behind a vast bank of intimidating weaponry only leading North Korean military officials could see, Kim Jong Un proudly unveiled his impoverished country’s latest secret weapon. The stealth bomber, a technology previously only held by the American air force, was paraded in full lack of view to the State media on an empty runway… Read more »

New ‘Jesus Viagra’ Makes You Rise Three Days Later

PHARMACEUTICAL giants Pfizer have teamed up with the Catholic Church to create a new, slow-acting version of their popular ED drug Viagra, designed to mimic the death and resurrection of Our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ™. Dubbed Jesup, the drug enables men suffering with erectile dysfunction to achieve a full erection capable of penetrative sex, albeit… Read more »