Category: LOCAL NEWS

Ploughing Day 2: This Shit Just Got Real

“YOU think you’ve seen ploughing? Bitch, you’ve seen nothing yet,” said one farmer at the start of day 2 of the 2017 Ploughing Championships, slapping himself in the face to psych himself up for an intense day of ploughing competition. “This is what sorts the ploughing men from the ploughing boys. If you can’t stand… Read more »

Five George Hook Supporters Arrested In Dawn Raids By Thought Police Unit

A SHOCKING escalation in the silencing of sensible, straight-talking voices occurred this morning when a raid by the Thought Gardaí Unit (TGU) resulted in the arrest of 5 George Hook supporters. Fearful that their opinions were being silenced, many people sharing the same rational thoughts as the suspended Newstalk host recently expressed their displeasure at… Read more »

Ploughing Match Struck By Flat Cap Shortage

THE Irish Farmers Association has issued an urgent appeal for new and used flat caps, bodywarmers, and welly boots, after the National Ploughing Championship was hit with one of the worst farmer’s clothing droughts in generations. Analysts have confirmed that there are currently somewhere in the region of 300,000 people at the Tullamore event, including… Read more »

Ibrahim Halawa Comment Section Trial Delayed For The 25th Time

THE verdict on the internet comment section trial of Irishman Ibrahim Halawa has reportedly been delayed for the 25th time in Ireland, WWN has learned. Despite being acquitted of all charges against him by an Egyptian court in Cairo, an online jury of experts continue to deliberate the fate of the 21-year-old by carefully flicking through evidence published… Read more »

Ryanair Offer Sincere Apology For €5 Per Passenger

BELEAGUERED budget airline RyanAir have made thousands of apologies available to customers following the company’s mishandling of flight cancellations, for the low, low price of just €4.99 each. The airline was forced to cancel up to fifty flights a day between now and October, following a holiday allowance backlog that left them with a critical… Read more »